I swear to God, if it's not one thing, it's another. I barely got Emmett to school today because he wasn't feeling well this morning. I convinced him to try for an hour and if he wasn't better, I'd come get him.
He's very hesitant to trust people anymore and I'm lucky that he trusts me.
I called the school and made arrangements. I explained that he's willing to try but he doesn't want to be trapped there if he isn't feeling better. The agreement was that I would call when I finished walking. They would ask Emmett is he was doing okay and if not, I would come get him.
It didn't go as planned.
I called and was told that he wasn't complaining of not feeling well. I said that he probably wouldn't and that we promised him that he would be asked. A call was made to his classroom and I was told that his teacher asked him and that he said he was doing okay.
I wasn't comfortable with that because I know how poorly he was feeling this morning and there was no way he was feeling okay but I was assured that he said he was fine, so I reluctantly hung up with the school. Gavin and I were walking into the house and I was telling him that this didn't feel right. I'm pretty sure that they never asked Emmett if he was okay.
That's a problem for a number of reasons. The biggest of which is that you shouldn't lie to any kid but you absolutely don't lie to an Autistic kid because they if they feel they can't trust you, good luck ever getting them to trust you again. Trust is a fragile thing.
The next time I'm trying to get Emmett to attempt school, he will not agree to try because he can't trust that I will come get him if he can't make it. That's a very real problem for me because I'm trying to balance everything out and shit like this only makes it harder.
Gavin and I were in the house for 5 minutes before the school called to let me know that Emmett was sick and I needed to pick him up. I was confused because if he was just asked and he said he was fine, why the sudden change?
I got to the school and Emmett comes down the steps literally sobbing. I wasn't expecting that and I immediately go into Papa Bear mode. I'm walking him out to the car and trying to figure out what was happening. He told me that no one ever asked him if he was OK. He heard the teacher on the phone telling the office that he was fine but no one ever asked him. The only reason I was called was because he pushed for his teachers to listen to him.
After Emmett was in the car, I went back into the school and inquired as to what happened because Emmett is telling me something different than I was told. Emmett doesn't lie. He way too logical and if anything can be too honest. That doesn't however, mean that he read the situation correctly, so I need to remain open minded.
I was assured that he had been asked and rather than argue, I wanted to get Emmett home. When I got into the car, Emmett told me everything that had happened and honestly, I was pissed off at that point because something wasn't right. I asked Emmett if he could come back into the school so we could talk to the office right now. This needed to be addressed and the office needed to hear what Emmett was saying.
He spoke his peace and I explained that even if we need to have a meeting, there needs to be sit down because everyone needs to be on the same page. I don't think that it's widely understood just how difficult this shit makes daily life.
The whole way home, Emmett is trying to process how his teachers could have lied. They're teachers, and teachers shouldn't lie. He's not wrong, teachers shouldn't lie, but I don't think it's that simple.
I explained to him that I'm not convinced that anyone was outright lying to me. I told him that I absolutely believe that he can trust his teachers and that I also understood from his perspective, why he doesn't right now. I told him that I really think the big ussue here is that no one was on the same page and that's a problem..
My opinion at this point is that Emmett's teachers want what's best for him and keeping him is school is obviously in his best interest. Emmett's struggled a bit this year because of all the major changes in his life and has had lots of emotional tummy aches.
There's no way for them to know the difference between him being sick or him being so distressed that he's making himself sick. I can't fault them for that.
When it comes to Emmett, school is his favorite place to be. He loves school and isn't trying to get out of anything.
I need to make it very clear that I'm handling things this way for a very specific reason. When I make arrangements for them to physically ask Emmett if he's doing okay, I need them to do just that. What ends up happening is that they see that Emmett is doing his work and not complaining about being sick, so they just report that he's doing fine.
What they aren't paying attention to is that Emmett will almost never complain about not feeling good, especially at school. The beginning of the school year was an exception because the kids had been traumatized and weren't dealing well at all, not that anyone can blame them.
Autistic kids can be fickle. They tend to generalize everything. That's a huge problem because in this particular situation, Emmett learned (not that I agree with him) that he can't trust his teachers to do what they were supposed to do. The next time I try to get him to give it a good faith effort, he won't because he's going to assume that the same thing will happen again. It takes a shitload of work overcome and I'm not looking to deal with that at all.
I'm not angry. I'm frustrated and disappointed but I also know that it's probably not as cut and dry as it sounds. That why a face to face with the school is a vital step towards getting everyone on the same page. Getting everyone on the same page is the only way that we will resolve this.
For now, Emmett is resting and I'm praying that tomorrow isn't made to be more challenging as a result of today's debacle.
I'm so tired and overwhelmed. .
