I'm struggling a bit today because I just am. I could say it's because we've been on lockdown for 67 days straight or that I'm depressed. I could say that it's because Gavin's off his meds and the kids have been home from school. I could say that it's because I'm struggling with my pending divorce or that I miss the person I married.
I could say all of those things because they're all true but the reality, however, is that I don't know why I'm struggling today.
Perhaps it's a combination of everything? Perhaps it's that I'm tired and just need this to be over?
All I know is that today has already proven to be very challenging and I can't seem to get my footing. It feels like the kids are more demanding right now and that's probably true but they're kids trying to deal with way too much shit, so demanding is to be expected.
I'm overwhelmed by the house and all the work that needs done. I'm trying to balance work and family time, which is not a simple task. When I try to record anything, the dog a few doors down just barks. They leave it outside and don't stop it from incessantly barking. There's no way to shield from that background noise and it's really frustrating.
I'm trying to safely keep my kids from going crazy while on lockdown by getting us out of the house for a little while throughout the week. That's not proving to be very easy either because in my local area, there are too many people not taking this whole pandemic seriously. This is especially true at the parks and that's really frustrating.
While schoolwork has proven to be largely impossible at this point, I am still trying to keep my kids learning every day. I'm working on creative ways to keep the kids using their brains while on lockdown.
To add insult to injury, our cat just went into heat and she feels the need to announce it to the world. She was scheduled to get fixed in March but lockdown hit and all nonessential things were canceled. At least she wants nothing to do with being outside and our other cat is already fixed. The howling, however, is getting old fast.
This isn't easy and I'm doing the very best I can but right now, the only thing I can seem to accomplish is keeping the kids safe and healthy. That's got to count for something.
