I'm getting very close to the end of my rope today and teetering on the brink of insanity. My kids are amazing and I love the completely. They are, however, struggling a great deal and it's impacting every aspect of our lives.
Elliott has been in a horrible mood, all day long. He's being mean to his brother and refusing to cooperate at every turn. I happen to know that he's very angry, scared, confused and heartbroken. I also know that he's desperately trying to regain some control in his life and is taking it to an extreme. I get it and I'm not angry but this isn't productive and we need to find better ways of managing our pain.
Emmett had a massive emotional breakdown tonight. He was trying to work on a writing prompt his teachers gave the kids for their journals. Emmett takes it literally and many of these imnocent prompts are triggers that remind him of his mom leaving.
I spent an hour trying to calm him down, help him through it and figure out how he was connecting the prompts with what happened.
After hearing him scream for what felt like an eternity, I understand what he's saying but I wouldn't have made the same connections as he did. He views and processes the world in such a unique way. Everything is black and white. He feels that in order to be honest, he has to write about things he doesn't want to even think about. He doesn't have to do that and his teachers and I have made that very clear. Emmett, however, is very ridged in his views of right and wrong. This can make things very complicated and incredibly difficult to navigate.
I'm completely emotionally drained at this point and I'm burnt the fuck out. My stress level is approaching near stroke levels and I'm totally at a loss as to how I can help him. I'm at a loss as to how I can help any of them right now.
I'm heartbroken because they are suffering and none of this had to happen. I'm pissed off because they have been, and continue to be hurt and I can't do anything about it. I feel helpless and powerless. I'm overwhelmed, frustrated, heartbroken and lost.
I'm meeting with the school in the AM to discuss the journal prompts again. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get him into the building and willingly try for at least an hour. I've no idea how things will go when I wake up in the morning but we'll deal with whatever we have to and do our best to move forward.
