Not a great deal was accomplished at our brainstorming session last night. The who point was to try and come up with some ideas that will help Emmett get back to school.
I don't think the gravity of the situation is hitting everyone because they don't have to deal with any of it. I'm the only one facing these challenges with my kids. I'm the one that has to see them struggling and/or be up all night with them because they're having nightmares. It's frustrating for me because everyone else is on the outside looking in, while I'm drowning, trying to keep everyone afloat. I'm desperately in need of a solution that works.
I'm not angry with anyone. I'm overwhelmed and at the end of my rope. That said, everyone involved at the meeting kicked around some thoughtful ideas. Personally, I feel like we really need to address the root of the problem because the symptoms are too overwhelming for Emmett and we can't do much about them. If we can attack the root cause, which seems to be, at least according to him, his mom leaving for a second time, maybe we can provide him with some relief.
By *attack the root cause, *I'm referring to helping him better deal with his feelings and find healthier ways of coping. He's very angry, hurt, confused and afraid. I feel like we need to focus on helping him process these feelings, by providing him with whatever tools he needs. Even if all we can do is help him develop better ways of coping with all this, that would address the problem at its core and hopefully, the symptoms that are controlling his life would weaken as he gets stronger.
While we didn't accomplish a great deal last night, in a way, it was still productive. This was yet another situation in which we're able to work together, even after all that's happened. That's a very positive thing.
It's very difficult for me because literally, no one else is having to do any of the leg work. I'm the one who has to do everything. Any suggestions made, or plans devised, are things that I will have to make happen.
I feel like I'm in this alone, because in most ways that actually matter, I am.
I'm just really overwhelmed, sleep deprived, stressed out and depressed. Life isn't slowing down. I need to find the strength to keep getting back up after I fall, and that's proving to be very challenging.
Again, I'm honestly not angry. In my mind, there's a difference between being angry and being frustrated, overhwhelmed and exhausted. Anger can be healthy but it can also be toxic. Being angry only really hurts me and whatever impacts me, impacts my kids. I work very hard, both in and outside of therapy, not to hold on to anger.
I love my kids more than life itself and it hurts me tremendously to see them in pain. It's even worse when, in many ways, I'm powerless to help them.
I want so badly for them to find peace, just be kids and move forward. All I can do is take things one day at a time right now, and be there for them in any way I possibly can.
