We had a very, very emotional Wednesday night therapy session. It was emotional for a number of reasons but it ended in a positive way and the kids are better for it. I was a less than ideal situation but it was the lesser of two evils and kids needed to have some questions answered by their mom. It's not anything that I'm going to get into here but it was not a conversation either of us wanted to have but it had become clear that the kids were going down hill quickly because of how certain things were handled and the only way to help them past it was to give them more insight into what had happened to cause the split.
It wasn't my story to tell and it needed to come from their mom. She explained what had happened in a very basic, black and white manner.
Kids should not be exposed to adult issues and they shouldn't know what happened to cause a divorce, especially if it wasn't mutual. Unfortunately, in our situation, Elliott and Emmett would not let it go and it was consuming them because they were convinced it was somehow their fault. I've been trying for almost 6 months to ensure they knew that it was nothing to do with them but it became clear the only way to prove to them it wasn't them, was to tell them the truth.
Both the kids were having serious emotional problems as a result of what they were convinced had happened.
It wasn't easy to hear this stuff again but she had a very simple conversation with the boys and at the end of the appointment, they felt better. This doesn't fix anything because they are still hurt, angry and scared because their mom is still not coming home, but at least they aren't blaming themselves anymore. That's a big difference.
Sometimes when someone breaks a bone, it isn't treated correctly at first and therfore doesn't heal right. This can lead to loss of function and constant pain. In order to fix it, sometimes the bone needs to be rebroke in oder to heal correctly. It sucks and it hurts but it will eventually heal and you're better for it in the long run. That's kinda what we were dealing with, only instead of broken bones, it was broken hearts.
Like I said, this isn't going to fix everything but I think that the kids can finally begin the healing process in a much, much healthier way.
I'm emotionally drained but if this helps the boys to move forward, it was worth it.
Divorce sucks, especially when it's one sided but the most important thing we can do is make sure that the kids are shielded from as much as humanly possible. Autism can make it more challenging and more patience in required but the better the situation is handled, the better off the kids are going to be.
At this point, the kids seem to have accepted the answers they recieved and that's a good thing because acceptance brings with it, peace. We desperately need more peace in our lives.
I'm really proud of everyone who partook in this very uncomfortable meeting because despite being worried about the fallout, we worked together and pulled it off. It kinda feels like a fresh start and who couldn't use that?
