It's been a few days since I've written anything of substance about my life. There are reasons for that many of those reasons are simply *life related. *Life is not easy for families like mine and I am not an exception to that rule.
I've been working as much as possible because we need the income and much of that is digital marketing and behind the scenes stuff. Nothing you would probably notice, like a new post.
The kids have been struggling but at the same time, they're back to school regularly and I'm not getting ransom calls during the day anymore, telling me I have to come pick them up. That's hugely positive and I'm grateful for that because it's forward progress.
Elliott has been emotionally distant. His body language is screaming *something's upsetting me but I don't want to talk about it. *I do know that it's mostly related to his mom and I know that because he and I had a very honest conversation with her on the phone the other night. Elliott unloaded quite a bit and asked some of the more specific questions that have been eating away at him.
Not all of his questions were answered but many were and she handled this situation really well, especially considering the impromptu nature of it.
It was very emotional but well received. As positive as it was, I do think that Elliott is experiencing what we've dubbed as an *emotional hangover. *He just needs time to process things.
The next related topic is filed under *totally didn't see that coming. *
The other night, after everyone was in bed, Gavin became hysterical and I'm talking sobbing uncontrollably.
He basically said that he was tired of the chaos. He's tired of Elliott and Emmett being angry with their mom and he's tired of everyone fighting all the time. While I don't necessarily think his portrayal of events is totally accurate, it really doesn't matter because it's how he's perceiving things and how he's feeling about what he's perceiving.
Elliott is very difficult right now and Emmett is literally bouncing off the walls. They go at each other and can get loud but nothing too too crazy. I do have to intervene at times but I guess I didn't know it was bothering Gavin so much. There's no question that I'm experiencing levels of stress that I've not experienced before and I know that worries him as well. He's constantly checking on me.
Gavin is putting a tremendous amount of pressure on himself. He said that *he feels he needs to pick up the slack since mommy left. *This isn't the first time he's said that and nothing I can say to him stops him from feeling this way.
We did talk about this in therapy this week and it's going to be an ongoing process. At least I have a better understanding of what he's feeling now and how can it not be positive that Gavin opened up about it.
Anyway, this gives you some idea of what is occupying my time right now. I did get two pods recorded and have more scheduled for next week. At this point, I'm two weeks ahead and that feels good. I'm collecting more and more sponsors. My setup is evolving and improving as well.
There are a couple of really cool things that happened over the last few days. I've added some new followers and they are kinda mind blowing, at least for me.
Ryan Reynolds, John Cena and Andy Lassner followed me in the same roughly 24 hour period of time. I've got a ever growing list of absolutely amazing followers and I'm grateful for every single one of them. This week's additions just sorta blew my mind. I'm humbled and honored. ☺
This weekend, we have to get the car washed and waxed. We also have trick or treat and that means I have to finish the boys costumes.. We had dinner with my parents tonight and the boys are visiting their mom tomorrow.
There are some really positive things happening in my life but at the same time, there's a great deal of endless stress and I'm absolutely exhausted.
I'm doing my best to keep up with everything right now and I'm failing miserably but as long as I don't give up, I'm going to consider it a win, or at the very least, a work in progress. ☺
