Emmett has been sleeping in my room since his mom left. He’s afraid that if he’s not right there, he could wake up and I’ll be gone as well. There’s no way to really navigate this in the short-term and it’s going to take time and patience for him to heal.
That’s said, he informed me last week that he wanted to be back in his own bed this week. Originally, his goal was the end of the year and we’re working in therapy to help him through this.
Anyway, this past weekend rolls around and he begins having tummy aches again. I figured it was anxiety related but wasn’t sure about the specifics. Turns out that he was okay moving his clothes back into his and Elliott’s bedroom but the idea of not being glued to me at night was a step too far.
He was afraid to tell me cause he thought I would be mad or disappointed. He knows that I believe it would be best for him to be in his own bed at night and that this arrangement is temporary. That being said, it’s heartbreaking for me that he feels that way. I’d never be angry or disappointed in him over something like this. I’ll do what’s best for him period and having him in my room at night doesn’t bother me. If anything, there is some comfort for me as well because there’s not much I can do to make these guys feel better. This is something that provides him with the comfort and safety he needs to survive right now. It feels good to know I can provide that for him.
I am fully aware that some will cast judgment because of how I’m handling this and are more than happy to share their views publicly, but I’m doing the best I can. I’m not thrilled to hear the awful opinions of the trolls, and how do I put this delicately? They can fuck off. ☺
In all seriousness, there’s no road map for this. I’m not trying to enable anything and I’m working in tandum with the kids therapist to navigate this. None of this is ideal but we’re doing what is necessary to make it through the day. Things will get better as we move forward. I’m totally confident of that.
Most of the people in the planet cosleep and have for as long as we’ve been on Planet Earth. We’re mammals, and it’s what mammals do. My son cosmetology for a Very Long Time, then I just cuddled at bedtime, and now he’d be mortified if I even tried. There’s no right timetable, and you’re absolutely giving him the anxiety-reduction he needs. Good for you!!!!!!!
I co-sleep with my daughter since I became a single mom, and it works for both of us (for now. Probably better for her than for me haha.) I’m proud of you for doing what he needs you to do. It’s hard to sleep with kids.
Trolls only bring their own brand of negativity and whatever low self esteem is within them and need to criticize other people in order for themselves to feel good. They don’t live in your life or walk in your shoes. And they especially don’t know your sons as well as you, as the parent does. There’s a huge difference between someone who offers both their understanding and some possible other avenues for you to consider that may or may not help a person in a difficult situation. Unfortunately, trolls can only offer their own inner anger, disappointment or misguided self importance and often vindictiveness. Rob, you do what you feel you have to do. Like in my case for the past 36 years, I’ve made decisions that just didn’t work out but those mistakes helped me to search for other solutions to whatever problem my son was having at the time. We are all human. We make mistakes. It’s when we don’t learn from those mistakes or give up, that brings about total and absolute defeat. Trolls do not understand this and cannot understand this. Their pleasure is only gained from acting like the proverbial emotional vulture circling overhead and waiting until they believe their prey is is in a weakened state before they can sweep down and feed on that persons despair. And you know, they’re not worth your time. I’ve stated this before, being the dad of an older, adult autistic young man, you are a good and loving dad and a good man. That’s all I’ve got to add. Keep moving forward, no matter what obstacles come your way.