I have a couple of short-term goals in regards to rebuilding our lives. I, of course, also have long-term goals as well but for now, I'm not in a place that I'm really focusing on them.
The Kids
The single most important goal I have is to get my kids through this. That means helping them establish a footing in this new world they've found themselves in. I think it's important that we establish solid routines and that I provide a more ridged structure for them. Autistic kids thrive on routine and structure, because it's predictable.
I have goals for each of the kids that are unique to each one of them. Just as an example:
Emmett hasn't slept in his own bed since August 10th. I don't mind him sleeping in my bed if it helps him to feel more comfortable for now but I want to get him to a place where he's comfortable not being glued to my side at night.
I want all of the kids to find ways to express how they're feeling. They tend to internalize a great deal and that's not a healthy thing to do.
We also need to establish as predictable of a visitation schedule as possible. This is a very complicated situation and as a result, predictability is incredibly difficult to provide for the kids. We need to establish as good a balance as possible and seek to improve upon it as time goes on. That's absolutely in the kids best interest.
The House
Another short-term goal I have is to get the house in order. I've already made some progress but there are still things that need to be done.
Everyone's bedrooms need organized. It's been forever since we've seen the floor in Elliott and Emmett's room. I'd like to make sure it's still there. I want to get rid of things we either don't need or no longer use, because we have very limited space and we need to use it more efficiently.
I want the house to be a sanctuary for myself and my kids. I don't want it to be a reminder of what we've lost. To do that, we really need to make it our own. That will take time and money.
Finalizing My Divorce
This is a big for me personally. As much as I hate absolutely everything about this, I have no control over it. The only thing I have control over is how I move forward and in order to move forward, I need this to be over. Moving on is something that's very difficult for me to do and remaining attached this way only makes it harder for me get through this.
I suppose everyone would deal with this differently but for me, it's hanging over my head like a dark cloud. I know there's no going back and it weighs heavy on me every single day. Being able to free myself of that will help to propel me forward.
Healing
Perhaps this has already begun. It's difficult to tell when you're in the middle of it. It's incredibly important that I help to promote the healing process for both myself and the kids. It's so important because we all still have so much of our lives left to live and I want to be able to help the kids put this pain behind them. I need to do the same thing for myself so that I can be the best father I can be.
Healing is a process and it's different for everyone. That said, I just want to make sure that everyone gets what they need to begin healing and find peace.
Keeping Depression in Check
One of my biggest worries right now is that my depression will overpower me. I worry that I will sink into the darkness and find myself lost. I'm battling depression on a good day and loss as significant as the ending of twenty year relationship, on the heels of two deaths in the family, is fertile ground for depression to flourish.
I must continue seeking help and taking care of myself. Even if right now, I don't do it for me, I need to do it for my kids.
It's important that I return to actively working on my fitness and weightloss goals. Not only will that help to counter my depression, but it will also help me to be a better father to my kids.
Working and Stabilizing My Income
Lastly, I need to refocus my efforts in regards to stabilizing my income. That's actually pretty straightforward at this point. The opportunities are already here and I need to capitalize on them.
This requires me to get back into a habit of writing. Not only does that bring in money, but it also helps me cope with life. That's a win win.
I also need to get back to working on the podcast. I already have interested sponsors for an entire season two and that's amazing. I just need to buckle down and get things moving.
There is more ground that needs to be made up now that things have changed so drastically in our lives. If I can keep things moving forward, I can better provide for my kids and ultimately get us the hell out of this neighborhood and some place safer.
Work in Progress
These are my immediate goals for right now. Everyday presents new challenges and I may need to adjust these goals accordingly. I feel like it's best that I focus on more short-term goals at the moment because the longer-term ones are much more difficult and require a solid fountation to build upon.
It also doesn't hurt to get some successes under my belt as well. Things like this can boost confidence and promote a better future. 1
For right now, this is my plan. Maybe it will change as I move forward and I'm okay with that. The important thing is that I have a plan in place.
