We had Elliott to Akron Children's Hospital yesterday. It was a routine follow up in behavioral health. We discussed any concerns we had. We talwdat things are going well and what needs work. We also follow up on medications and make sure we're still on the right track with that as well.
I personally feel like Elliott is making a serious effort in many areas, and I made sure to bring that up. I'm incredibly proud of him because I know that life in our house isn't easy.
That said, there are still things that he needs to work on as well. That's not anything against him at all. He's a newly minted teenager, and that's never easy, especially when Autism factors in.
One of the things that Elliott is upset about is his lack of independence.
He wants to stay home alone or go outside by himself and he resents us of not giving him these freedoms. He feels like we don't trust him and that's not the case. It's not the case at all.
In fairness, Elliott is very cognitively advanced, but he's not as mature emotionally. That tends to cause problems at times, and this is one of those times.
The reasons he doesn't stay home alone has little to do with him personally, and everything to do with where we live. Our neighborhood isn't safe, and there are things that frequently happen around here that dictate our actions. As I'm laying in bed writing this, Lizze and I just heard six gunshots. They were close enough that I jumped.
Just a week or two ago, there was a hostage crisis two doors down from us. The guy living there took his two kids hostage, and swat had to rescue them. It's insane, and that's not even the first hostage crisis we've had on our street. In the previous one, we were evacuated by the police at night, and I had to wake the kids up before escaping to my parent's house. They were traumatized by that.
This was the most recent incident from a week or so ago. Our house is just out of frame on the right side.
The idea of allowing Elliott to be home on his own is something we're not comfortable with for safety reasons. What if he was home alone, and something happens like is seen in the pictures above? What if someone else is literally gutted and dies in front of our house again? We have people routinely bang on our door, looking for drug money. As a grown man, I struggle to know what to do in some of these situations, and I had a career in public safety.
As for being outside, the same thing applies. There have been drive-by shootings and even one that we were directly involved in.
Elliott told us that he's 13 and knows how to handle himself. Even if that were true, he's still not bulletproof. No level of experience is going to stop a bullet.
These are all very serious, practical concerns.
We tried to reinforce with him that it's not about a lack of trust in him. There are times I don't even like Lizze being home alone. There are plenty of times that I'm not comfortable being outside.
It was a little different before Maggie died last year. She was very big, very intimidating, very strong and incredibly protective. While she wasn't a ballistic shield, we all felt safer with her here, at least in regards to people approaching our house or any of us while we were outside.
It's rough because he deserves to experience these freedoms and I know how badly everyone wants to move. It's something I can't provide right now and knowing that it's having more of an impact than I had previously been aware of, feels terrible.
To see him so frustrated, angry and even hurt by this, is difficult to take.
I'm doing the best I can, and it's not enough. I'm walking a very fine line between recognizing that I'm doing the best I can and constantly feeling like I'm failing my family.
It sucks, and all I can do is continue trying my very best.
To Elliott, Emmert, Gavin, and Lizze, I'm so sorry that I'm not able to do better by you all right now. I truly hope you all know I'm doing everything I can and I won't give up until we're somewhere safe.
