The boys had a great day at school today, and in the way home, we stopped to visit my grandmother. We had a short visit before returning home blah blah blah.
Not to downplay the significance of the above paragraph but what I want to focus on tonight is what came out of therapy tonight. This is specifically in regards to Gavin.
Gavin was pumped and ready to tell us all about the missions he's been on over the last couple of days. This shouldn't be anything new or shocking to you, especially if you're a long time reader. Gavin is Autistic and Schizophrenic among other things. As a result, he experiences things that only he can experience. In other words, he sees and hears things only he can see and hear.
While properly medicated, these occurrences were far less common, although they did still happen.
Anyway, Gavin rented for almost 45 minutes tonight about all that happened on these missions. Nothing was too far out of the ordinary for one of these *mission debriefings, *as I've affectionately dubbed them.
Honestly, I was getting stressed out just listening to him and had begun to tune him out because I'd heard most of this already.
It's difficult for me to listen to his ramblings for a couple of reasons. For starters, I can only hear these stories so many times before I want to those sharpened pencils into my ears. It's not that I'm disinterested, but it's a constant topic of conversation throughout the day, and it gets old.
More importantly, when I hear him gambling on like this, it's a visible reminder of just how bad things with Gavin are. It's heartbreaking, and I'm not always in an emotional place to deal with that level of grief. It's grief, and it's a painful that there's nothing I can do to help him out of this.
I was zoned out and doing some breathing exercises, as instructed by my Galaxy Watch. It monitors my stress in real-time and helps with breathing exercises when I'm stressed out.
I heard bits and pieces of his conversation with Dr. Pattie. I already knew this was someone to do with Pokemon and some sacred stone but what caught my attention was something he been saving for this *debriefing. *
Out of nowhere, he announced that he was in fact, a God. That snapped me back into the conversation immediately. I'd never heard that before. He's always been a hero, but it went well beyond that tonight.
The look on his face shows how proud of this he was and so we were cautious in proceeding.
Apparently, he's the reincarnation of an ancient, extremely powerful God known as infermous. It's something like that anyway.
He was actually bragging about being a God, and he wasn't messing with us either. He 100% believes this is true and that takes this whole thing to a place we've never been before. As I said, he's always been a hero but someone who was still operating under basic fundamental laws. He was still vulnerable but very powerful.
Essentially, he now believes he's a God and all powerful.
This takes delusions of grandeur to a whole new level, and I'm not sure what to do. If there was any debate as to what, if anything would happen as he came off the Clozapine, there's little doubt that there's a significant increase in his symptoms, even if overall he's doing better off the meds.
We see his psychiatrist in a couple of weeks, and that's when we will decide how to proceed.
This is heartbreaking and frankly, a bit scary as well.
