In an effort to try and not internalize this, I'm going to be brutally honest. Gavin is driving me absolutely fucking crazy. I love him. I truly do and I know that for the most part, this isn't his fault, but holy shit, I'm going to lose what's left of my mind.
Gavin is a really amazing person and he has so many admirable qualities. He's kind, helpful, respectful, never gives up, never complains and always has a smile on his face. Gavin is the kind of person who would do anything for anyone, even at his own expense.
That being said, Gavin is also very difficult to coexist with. He talks incessantly, freaks out over every single mistake he makes, he tries to parent his younger brothers, manipulates and all he thinks/talks about is food or video games.
I'm trying very hard to reduce my overall stress because it's really bad and there are some things I'm working on in order to accomplish that goal. Things like getting the house organized, trying to write more often, continuing recording podcasts, walking, and trying not to sweat the things I can't control. Unfortunately, some of those things I can't control revolve around Gavin and they cause me a great deal of stress.
I don't know how to reduce the impact that Gavin's behaviors have on me, both emotionally and physically. The constant talking is probably the among the most impactful. It's gotten to the point that his voice is something I try to avoid and that's such an awful thing for a parent to say or do.
This is 100% self-preservation and I can't really do anything about that. I try to be as patient as I possibly can but my limit is reached rather quickly at times because it's so overwhelming.
Without going into detail, it was a rough evening. Gavin was narrating his life excessively and we were trying to celebrate Elliott's birthday. I was simply spent by this point and had to be much more direct in my attempts to get him to stop talking.
I absolutely hate having to be that dieect with him but it's oftentimes the only thing that works.
Anyway, I'm exhausted and will be going to be before 11 PM. That's one of the things I'm doing to help me better cope. I don't know if any of this made any sense or if anyone is able to relate.
At the very least, I needed to vent a little bit. ☺
