Life has been getting in the way of writing lately and that's frustrating. This is a major outlet for me and when it's impeded, I tend to struggle a bit more. My intention with this post is to play catch-up.
I think the last time I wrote anything significant was in regards to our chaotic trip to the immunologist eariler in the week, so we'll pick things up after that.
The following day, I had a doctor's appointment of my own. It was just a check-up with my primary but the results of the check-up were relatively significant, at least for me.
The appointment went really well. My blood pressure was perfect and my weight is continuing to drop off. My big concern was the results of my recent lab work. That's really important because I've been working on my numbers and this is how I know if all the hard work is paying off.
Thankfully, it was all good news. All my numbers were really good. My total cholesterol was 170, up from 154 the last time. That's actually good news because my good cholesterol is up by 20+ points and that's why it's a bit higher. That means all my efforts are paying off because increasing one's good cholesterol isn't easy.
I need to continue working to maintain, as well as improve. Still, my numbers are well inside the good range and the fact that I'm balancing things out is awesome.
My new weight loss target is about 40 lbs and I'm going to continue working on that. ☺
Thursday evening I took Elliott out to get some new clothes. He needed pants and we took care of that. He got four pairs of pants, two sweater vests and two light weight jackets. I feel like we did really well. I took him to dinner afterwards. Elliott's going through a really hard time and I feel like our relationship is strained at times. It breaks my heart and I really wanted to have some one on one time with him.
Gavin was supposed to return to the Cleveland Clinic this morning but I had to reschedule. I woke up not feeling good and ended up sleeping most of the morning. Lizze was able to get the boys to school and that was a huge help. ☺
We picked the boys up after school and surprised them with a trip to the movies. We saw the new Lego Movie and they really liked it. I dozed off a bit but caught most of it. The important thing was that everyone had a good time.
When we returned home, the boys (Elliott and Emmett) went to spend the night with their grandparents but not before a major, major blowout with Elliott. I'm still not really even sure what happened. He just sorta lost it and exploded for close to 45 minutes.
It was awful.
I did record the audio so I could play it for Dr. Pattie. Maybe she'll have some insights after listening to it that could help.
I don't know what we're going to do. He's hurting and the cause of his pain remains a mystery. He tells us it's one thing but then tells us it's something else. He's depressed and I don't think he knows what's going on. We're getting him all the help we can but tonight was really a bad one and it broke me.
I just listened to him scream at me. There was no point in trying to reason with him because we was beyond reason. Honestly, when I was a kid, I would *never *have gotten away with even 10% of the things he screamed at me.
Emotionally speaking, I got the wind knocked out of me.
My heart breaks for him but at the same time, he has to still be held accountable for the things he said. As such, he's lost the Xbox and Playstation for the weekend. He's lost his phone at least until he gets home from his grandparent's house. The reason the phone returns sooner is because he's very big into music and that really helps him. We don't want to take that away from him, but we will for a short time in order to make a point.
I'm going to bed heartbroken, wondering what we did wrong. Where did we fail him? What more can we do to help guide him through this dark time in his life?
Lizze and I no longer get nights to ourselves. Gavin and his brothers won't be spending the night together at their grandparents anymore. This is a necessary evil because there's too many problems with Gavin. Without going into details, Gavin has some behavioral issues that create a great deal of animosity between him and his brothers. It's gotten to the point where the three of them can no longer go over together.
Gavin still gets to go over but only by himself.
It sucks because that means we never really get any time to ourselves but it's the right thing to do.
This is a difficult situation because the human part of me is pissed off at Gavin for making the choices he does but at the same time, he's not doing most of these things on purpose. That said, there's little doubt in my mind that the crap he pulls with his brothers is a willful act. He knows what he's doing and he manipulates the situation to get his way. It can be challenging to recognize this but if he isn't put back in his place, problems arise.
Gavin's an amazing kid in many ways but he also has some problems that create problems for everyone around him. These problems are now costing us our break and that's not a good thing.
Tonight is supposed to be a break but Gavin's been driving us nuts and I can't sleep because I'm too worried about Elliott.
The boys will be home later today and I'm going to be in a worse place than I was before they left.
That's not how it's supposed to work.
