I'm struggling with life lately and that's for a number of reasons. There's also some positive things as well but unfortunately, in my brain right now, they are downed out by all the rest.
For starters, I was able to get the heat working in the car this morning. That's awesome because it wasn't anything major and cost me less than $20 to fix. ☺
Unfortunately, our right turn signal doesn't work and the left one just burnt out this morning. The right side is experiencing a what seems like a short while the left side is just a burnt out bulb. It's not an enormous deal on a normal day but in the moment it's pretty damn overwhelming.
Anyway..............
We left for Gavin's appointment and as we were heading up, I began not feeling good. I don't know what happened but it was bad enough that I didn't feel like I could safely make the drive.
I called his doctor and explained that I needed to cancel the appointment. I profusely apologized for the late notice but it wasn't a problem. It seems that the appointment was an old appointment that was supposed to have been removed awhile back but just wasn't. The reminder was auto-generated and I just planned on going but I thought it was odd because we have to be back up there in the next month or so.
His next appointment is actually the beginning of February, along with Lizze and the boys. That makes much more sense because we limit the trips back and forth if possible. It's easiest to get everyone in at the same time. That's what we've always done in the past.
I think this was originally scheduled when Gavin's IVIG Infusion medication was changed. We ended up getting in earlier and this appointment was supposed to be canceled. It's not a big deal and it worked out well, considering the circumstances.
I was able to turn around and head home. We were only about 25 minutes into the drive.
We get home and I'm already feeling like shit, when I walk up to the front door and see that Dominion East Ohio had shut our fucking gas off.
It's 20°F and our house is cold to begin with.
We've had our utilities shut off in the past and I've been very honest about that. Life is a struggle and it's not easy to keep up with the everyday type things, when all the special needs demands take up every last ounce of time and energy I have.
What made this particularly upsetting is that I had spoken with them on November 28th. I wanted to double check the minimum amount that I needed to pay. Money's impossibly tight and I sometimes have to do the bare minimum, which is better than nothing at all.
It's not something I'm proud of but it's the reality I live in.
The woman I spoke with on the 28th explained that the amount due was roughly $700 that was the minimum amount due. She then said that the winter program is active and that means I only needed to pay $175.00 in order to keep the gas on through the first of the year.
I did that but also explained that I would be paying a little extra because I wanted to make some progress. She said it was no problem and so I made a $250 payment. I made sure to do things exactly as instructed because I wanted to make sure nothing got shut off and I was grateful for what I felt was *catching a break.*
She told me that I was good and since my payment was over the $175.00 mark, it would automatically trigger the program.
I was able to exhale a bit and went forward, feeling like I checked something off the list. Actually, I felt pretty fucking good because it wasn't a freebie. I was able to not only make the minimum payment required for the program, I also paid an extra amount as well and that felt good.
It was already colder in the house and we'd only been gone about an hour or so. It's a shitty feeling to walk into this.
All I wanted to do was sit in the corner somewhere and cry because I'm just not on solid ground and this felt like a kick to the nuts. I felt like a failure and was immediately worried about Gavin, as well as the boys.
I called Dominion and explained what had happened, they verified it in the notes and realized it was the previous representatives mistake. She had been correct about the program but gave me the wrong instructions.
The reason we got shut off is because in order to trigger the program, I needed to pay one, single payment in the exact amount of $175.00. I paid $250 and therefor the payment didn't trigger the program. I should have been told to make two separate payments.
While they didn't apologize, they are fixing the problem but can't tell me when it will be fixed. All she could tell me is that it *should* be sometime before 11:59 PM tonight.
This isn't like flipping a switch. It's a fucking process that takes a little bit of time because they have to test the lines, bleed all the appliances and witness them operating correctly before they leave. It's frustrating to have this on our plate now.
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful they've acknowledged the mistake and are in the process of fixing it but it didn't need to happen in the first place. It's just one more thing that creates distress. Yes, I know that at a base level, it's my fault because I'm behind. I'm all too aware of that glaringly obvious fact. I don't need reminded of that because I beat myself up enough on my own.
The good thing is that this particular nightmare is temporary. The $250 still goes toward the balance and I owe less than $400 now. That's actually very positive because we used to be much further behind and I've worked very heard over the last year to get caught up.
While it may seem bad, it had been much worse and if I was a stronger person at the exact moment, I'd take pride in that progress, rather than focusing solely on my failures.
