I've not been having very many good days lately. It's an emotional struggle that's clearly getting the better of me. I'm dropping the ball in many areas of my life and I'm not proud of that. One thing after another keeps hitting us and I get buried in all the chaos. Today's been particularly difficult for me and it took a good bit of effort on my part, in order to survive it.
I didn't want to be around anyone. I didn't even want to be around myself, if that makes any sense.
I feel that it's important to be honest and transparent about where I'm at because it helps with context. It also shows how life can make the already difficult job of being an Autism/Special Needs Parent, way more difficult.
Something else that I feel is important is leading by example and I try very hard to do that. Sometimes I do better than other times but I always do my best.
In the spirit of leading by example, I want to share how despite my emotional struggles, I'm trying to focus on the positive aspects of my life. I will say that it's not easy to do this because the pull of dispair is strong but my determination to persevere is stronger.
There were a few things today that I think warrant mention because they were overtly positive and while they may seem kinda random, *positive is positive. *☺
For starters, despite where I am both emotionally and physically, I made myself go walking. I was able to squeeze 3.1 miles out of myself today and I'm actually proud of that.
Next on our list is family movie night. Everyone sat together and watched *Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows *part 1. For the first time in a long time, all of the kids sat on the couch and watched the same thing at the same time. It was super nice and I think that was the highlight of my day. ☺
Finally, as cliché as it sounds, I survived. I will live to fight another day. When all else fails, and you can't find something positive, you can always celebrate the fact you survived the day. It may seem like a ridiculous thing to celebrate but if you're an Autism or Special Needs parent, you know just how bad things can get and surviving can sometimes feel like a miracle.
Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully, it will be a better one.. Regardless, I will do my best to find the positive.
