Let me tell you something. Today has been one of the most stressful days I can remember. I spent the last few hours talking/venting to Lizze about everything weighing me down.
It was my Dad's surprise 65th birthday. My Mom arranged for a family dinner at PF Changs. This is a pretty nice restaurant and it's about a 35 minute drive from our house. Not a huge deal.
Lizze was not well today, so I flew solo with the boys and that proved to be a little much for me personally. Elliott was struggling with impulsivity, a lack of a brain/mouth filter and the long wait to eat. While it drove me bonkers, he wasn't really doing anything wrong. I was just not coping very well.
Gavin did pretty well but his behaviors are overwhelming on a good day, and this was very clearly not a good day for me.
Emmett, aka, Captain Indecisive, struggled with deciding on a drink, let alone what he was going to eat. Emmett struggles tremendously with making decisions and it can get very overwhelming for him, very quickly. Today was no exception.
PF Changs is *not *Autism/Sensory kid friendly. Everything has some kind of sauce or is mixed with other food items. Many with Autism and/or Sensory Processing Disorder can't deal with things like this. Frankly, PF Changs is like the absolute perfect storm and there's about a 100% chance of meltdowns.
I was most worried about Emmett but after quite a bit of back and forth, some help from my brother and a very understanding server, he settled on Filet Mignon. He settled on that because he sees it cooked on shoes like *Master Chef *and *Hell's Kitchen. ☺ *
Elliott was pretty quick to decide and I was quick to decide for Gavin because not much was Gavin *digestive system* friendly.
Elliott was very vocal about how hungry he was while waiting for his food but then only nibbled at his side dish and never touched his actual dinner. It was really kinda frustrating but I don't think he liked the food.
Again, with the exception of Gavin, it's not easy to feed Elliott or Emmett at all. They are incredibly sensory oriented and it makes feeding them feel impossible at times. It's incredibly frustrating for me and especially for them.
We did survive. It was awesome to hang out with my family and celebrate my Dad's birthday.
It was just a great deal of stress, especially since Lizze wasn't there. It was something that required more from me than I had to give currently and I knew going into it that it would be that way. It's sorta like I know the burner is going to be hot but I have to touch it anyway.
On the way home, we stopped at the hospital to see my Grandpa. He's been there for about a week now and I try to visit as often as I can. We stopped by before our movie on Friday and again tonight.
The boys loved to see him but truthfully, it was unfair of me to put them into that situation and expect them to do alright. They were all over the place and that just added to the amount of stress that was building up inside me.
We hung out for about an hour before heading to the get stuff for school lunches.
The boys did great in the store. I was really grateful for that because by that point, I was a donkey on the edge.
When we finally got home, I woke Lizze up and we proceeded with our evening.
The boys, with the exception of Gavin, were completely overstimulated and that led to fighting, screaming and meltdowns, none of which were helpful to someone in my shoes.
All this led to me sitting in the living room, breathing heavily and shaking. The kids were in bed for the night and I was so overloaded it hurt to breathe.
It's important to understand that while the boys were absolutely a handful, this was more about me and less about them. I'm just burnt out and not coping well right now.
Lizze still isn't feeling good and I was ready to explode. She was trying to get me to talk and I wasn't responding to her attempts very well. Eventually, it led to a pseudo argument and finally to a productive conversation. I was able to vent and that really helped me decompress from a very stressful day.
Now it's a matter of going to bed, waking up in the morning and doing it all over again.
I'm exhausted but in a much better place now.
I'm really hoping to get some sleep tonight. I'm praying that Lizze will get some sleep as well. She's still struggling with insomnia and it's taking its toll on her and frankly, me as well.
I will however, wake up clean slate and a fresh start. I could really use that right now.
