If it hasn't been obvious from my recent postings, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety lately. It's impacting many areas of my life and I can't really single out a singular trigger. I can, however, say that life has become more difficult as of late.
Something you may not know about depression is that that it can be different for everyone. I don't always feel bad or even anxious but sometimes I do.
There are times when I feel like I'm compensating rather well and then all of a sudden, it's like I walked full speed, straight in a brick wall. I can go from everything is fine to crippling thoughts and unrelenting anxiety in an instant. Realistically, I'm sure it's a more gradual process than that but it doesn't feel that way.
The point is, depression can sneak up on me with little or no advanced notice. It doesn't matter what's going on in my life at the time. It doesn't matter if I'm on medication and/or seeing a therapist. It doesn't matter if I'm exercising every day. Depression can creep into my life at any time and under any circumstance.
I'm very much struggling with both depression and anxiety at the moment.
As I said above, I can't point to a singular event that's triggered this because it could be anything or nothing at all.
I can experience anxiety over things that normally wouldn't bother me. I can become extremely irritable and impatient. There isn't a rhyme or reason for these feelings, they just are.
Despite not wanting to do anything, I push to walk and do the necessary things to care for myself. It's not easy but if I give in, take a break or even worse, quit, it could end up being a downward spiral.
It's exhausting having to fight these overwhelming feelings while trying to deal with and meet the needs of my family at the same time.
The thoughts that can go through my head at times are hopeless in nature. It's tough to push through them sometimes because they can be awfully convincing.
I've found that when I begin to struggle like this, I really, really need to focus on self-care. It's difficult because when you're depressed, one of the first things you do is stop caring for your yourself. I have to push myself to drink water, shower every day, walk and even eat.
Those may seem like simple tasks but when you're depressed, each one of those things can feel like climbing Mt. Everest.
Right now, I'm trying to remain focused on the next 10 minutes. When I get through 10 minutes, I will focus on the next 10 minutes. No matter how hard some of these things seem, I really try to push myself to get through them anyway. The first time I skip walking or a shower, the easier it becomes to skip the next time and the time after that.
At the moment, I've reached my limit and need to stop writing for now.
I'm going to sleep tonight, reminding myself that tomorrow is a new day and maybe, just maybe, it will be a little better than today was.
Good night and if you're struggling with depression, get help, take care of yourself and don't give up.
