Life is a never-ending series of tests and I'm currently being tested. As an Autism and Special Needs parent, I'm no stranger to challenge and have become accustomed to the daily struggle that many Autism and Special Needs parents face.
*Being accustomed* to something shouldn't be confused with *becoming easier*.
We've (Lizze and me) have been knee deep in managing Gavin's physical and emotional health problems. They are never-ending, frequently changing and can often be a fulltime job, in and of themselves.
As we're working through those issues we're also trying to make the necessary preparations in order to file for permanent guardianship of our newly minted 18-year-old son.
Lizze is experiencing changes in her overall health and health care that makes things more challenging right now. Elliott appears to be dealing with bipolar disorder and we're waiting for his upcoming appointment at Akron Children's Hospital. We should hopefully learn a bit more and with any luck, find him any/all the help he may need.
I'm trying to manage things with them and still help Emmett with his sensory related challenges (of which there are many that impact him daily) and anxieties, without losing too much of myself along the way.
Aside from the immediate needs of Lizze, Gavin and the boys, there are a whole host of things on my plate right now. Each one of these things is fighting for my attention.
Our car is well past its expiration date and we're having more problems that need to be addressed but we've been advised it's not worth fixing anymore.
I've been dealing with what turned out to be a total of at least four fricking raccoons that had invaded and destroyed our attic. It took over almost 2 months to remove them and ensure they couldn't re-enter the house. Now we have the monumental task of gutting the attic and sanitizing everything because it's covered in raccoon shit.
As we're making plans for a dumpster, protective clothing and masks so can safely get this done, we get hit with a storm that drops a massive section of tree in our yard, damaging our house, garage and other parts of our property.
We now have a huge tree in front of our house that is broken, lopsided and has enormous branches that may not survive another storm. The entire tree is at risk of failing. Speaking of storms, we're about to be hit again as I'm writing this. The forecast is also warning of severe storms for the next 2 days and that's got me a bit worried about the risk of more damage. We are in Ohio and predictions sometimes don't amount to anything.
Insurance is overburdened at the moment due to the hurricane that hit the Carolina's and understandably so. We have no eta on an adjuster arriving to estimate the damage and finish the claim. We have zero ability to cover any of the repairs or cleanup out of pocket. We have to wait until insurance cuts a check, then figure out how to absorb the $1,000 deductible and anything else that may not be covered.
These are just a few of the things I'm trying to manage, while still dealing with all the everyday Autism related challenges that are overwhelming on their own.
On top of all that, I still have life that needs to be dealt with and my personal war with Depression that needs to be managed. Everyday things like bills, work, keeping up with the house, my own health journey, problems at school, half a dozen or more appointments a week on the slow weeks and trying to figure out how we survive in general, are enormously heavy.
That's like a wet blanket covering all the Autism and Special Needs Parenting challenges, already weighing heavy on my shoulders. That additional weight makes it extremely difficult to accomplish anything or find the strength to keep fighting. I know from the outside looking in, this may just seem like excuses but it's meant to be an explanation that provides, insight, context and even comfort to those in a similar boat.
I've been thinking about this stuff a great deal today. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and worried about all the varying *how's *and *when's.*
I don't know how we're going to pull through all of this but I know we will. We always find a way to survive. It may not be pretty or graceful, but we will survive.
