I'm going to make this quick because I need to go to bed. The big reason I'm really frustrated with Gavin right now is very simple but also extremely complicated, all at the same time.
Ever since Gavin began going on missions as a result of his Schizophrenic hallucinations, there have only been a couple rules that really matter.
The first rule is that his missions only take place on the other side of the portal. The portal is what he refers to his bedroom door as. This keeps them mostly contained to his bedroom and limits the chances of them spilling out everywhere else.
This has been mostly successful at both keeping him physically safe and shielding the boys from his missions.
The second rule was that *he never talks to his brothers about his missions. *This was a rule created by his doctors and deemed in the best interest of all involved, but especially for the boys.
This has been the way it is since these issues first came to light many years ago.
Today, Gavin decided that he would talk to Emmett about a mission he was going on. I don't think much was said but at the end of the day, it created a good bit of confusion for Emmett.
Gavin knows that he is not to speak with anyone about this outside of Lizze, myself, his grandparents (if he must) and his doctors. This isn't about shame or embarrassment, it's about trying to avoid confusion, judgment or having to try and explain things to people who are never going to get it.
We let him share his missions on YouTube because he's proud of them and it serves a dual purpose. He gets to share his story in a controlled manner and it helps to raise awareness for Schizophrenia. We support him wanting to make video debriefings of his missions but he cannot talk to his younger brothers about them.
*See **Talking with a Schizophrenic*
At the end of the day, Gavin has no malicious intent and probably spoke impulsively. For the most part, he does pretty well in this area but today created problems that I didn't know how to appropriately address.
Emmett was looking to play with Gavin this morning and Gavin told him he couldn't because he had an important mission to go on. On a basic level, Emmett understands that Gavin sees and hears things that aren't real. Emmett took Gavin's refusal to play rough because he saw it as Gavin choosing to go on a pretend mission rather than play with him.
It's not that cut and dry but try explaining that to a 10 year old.
When these things happen, it creates chaos and it's not easy to resolve. We will end up having to sit the boys down with Dr. Pattie and have a discussion about what Gavin has going on, in an effort to help them better understand. If we don't, the boys get frustrated because they don't understand why Gavin is doing the things he's doing.
I explained to Emmett that Gavin's brain tricks him into seeing and hearing things that only he can see and hear. It's not Gavin's fault but these things are very real to him. That's just how Gavin's brain works. I know it's confusing but it's part of who he is and we have to deal with it.
Maybe that's not the best explanation but in the heat of the moment, that's what I had.
I know that Gavin didn't mean any harm but I have enough to deal with as it is and this is not something I want to take on, at least not with five days left to go before we can talk to Dr. Pattie about this.
I mentioned this before in a previous post. Gavin's behaviors are becoming more difficult to manage and that's making life a whole lot more stressful for everyone.
