I've been trying to write all day and I just can string my thoughts together in a way that makes sense outside of my own head. In the spirit of Autism Awareness month and in an attempt to help you better understand what at least *this *Autism Dad is struggling with, here's what I'm feeling tonight.
I'm exhausted.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm beyond stressed out.
I'm totally emotionally drained.
I'm completely physically drained.
I'm finding myself in a dark place tonight.
I'm feeling seriously demoralized and beaten down.
I'm broken hearted for reasons that are too many to explain.
I'm conflicted because I know tomorrow's a new day but it seems far away.
I'm doing the best I can but I can't fix the many things in our lives that need fixed.
I'm struggling the most with feeling like I've failed my family and that's eating me alive.
Being an Autism parent is a trial in many things. It may seem like our kids with Autism would be the most difficult of these trials but that's not always true. Sometimes the most difficult part of being an Autism parent is facing, as well as dealing with our own demons, our own emotions and our own limitations.
I know that when I wake up, it will be a new day and a fresh start but that doesn't make any of this easier for me to cope with at the moment.
