I don’t do well with funerals, not that anyone really does. I absolutely avoid going to them because I’ve seen so much death in my life already. 

I can’t even tell you how much death I witnessed as a paramedic. Eventually, it gets to you and changes you at your core, at least that’s how it worked for me. 

Thinking about everything the last day or so, I realized one of the biggest reasons I don’t deal funerals very well. 

In all likelihood, I will one day attend Gavin’s. With all he’s dealing with healthwise, his prognosis isn’t good. Every time I see a funeral, it feels like a kick in the gut, and reminds me how fragile life is, especially Gavin’s. 

Maybe that sounds strange to some of you, and that’s fine. We are living with this very real possibility, only we don’t know much more than that. 

Gavin’s so unique, there’s no solid reference, because no one’s seen a kid like Gavin before. 

I guess I just avoid this whole topic because it makes everything more real. Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their kids, and that’s a rule that doesn’t seem like it’s going to apply to us. 

Parents of kids with fragile health, live with this day in and day out. There’s that constant fear that something is going to happen, because something always happens. 

This is a shitty thing to even be thinking about, but it’s sorta tough to avoid, especially right now. 

Admittedly, it’s been a long, stressful week. We ended up at calling hours way too early, and I have nothing to do but think. Hopefully, things will settle down and I’ll feel better soon.