The boys and I had therapy tonight with Dr. Pattie. While I typically enjoy these family sessions, tonight's was a little rough for me.
Tonight, Gavin unloaded a string of *mission debriefings. *
I know how much he likes telling us all about the missions he goes on with his invisible friends, and I would rather hear about it than not, but it sucks.
<img src="https://lxnxuovarpoeyuzaxuet.supabase.co/storage/v1/object/public/blog-images/inline/2017/06/wp-image-1211813848.png" alt="" class="inline-block max-w-full h-auto rounded-xl my-4" loading="lazy" /> This is from our appointment tonight. Gavin was anxiously pacing as he's telling us all about his adventures.
It sucks because it's crystal clear in those moments, that Gavin is not okay.
It sucks because it shows that he's still seeing things that aren't there. He still believes that he's a superhero, who's fighting intergalactic battles, against evil villains.
Tonight he went on about three of his latest missions. I'll just list the bullet points:
- Snatchers
- Elements of Harmony
- Telepathically entering Twilight's mind
- Disections
- Sword fights
- Gun battles
- Magic bracelets
- Broken bones
This list isn't even complete. He went on and on for what seemed like forever. It's absolutely heartbreaking to witness, and very difficult to put into enough context to truly help you understand.
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He's so proud of these battles, and he really believes he's doing these things. We can ask him questions but not directly challenge his beliefs. We've been warned that his delusions are so deeply rooted, meaning he believes them so strongly, that it could be dangerous to try and get him to understand this stuff isn't real.
I came home from Dr. Pattie's in a horrible mood, which has carried through the evening and following me to bed early.
I wish there was something we could do to quiet the voices and make vanish the hallucinations. Unfortunately, nothing works and the Clozapine he's currently on is preventing things from getting worse.
A warm and fuzzy thought is, if things are still this bad on medication, what happens when the meds stop working altogether? Clozapine is the Lost tightly controlled medication in the country, banned pretty much everywhere else in the world, and an absolute last ditch effort, to manage Schizophrenic symptoms.
There really isn't any *up *from here.
As a father, my heart has been broken so many times, I don't know ow how many more times it can be pieced back together.
I'm going to sleep tonight, with the aide of Zzzquil. Hopefully, a good night's sleep won't evade me tonight, and I'll cope better with life in the morning.
