One of the hardest parts of being an Autism parent for me this week so far, is meltdowns. When it comes to Autism, I always tell people *never make assumptions. *Having said that, I feel pretty safe saying, *if you're an Autism parent, you're probably intimately acquainted with meltdowns. *
Meltdowns are exhausting for everyone, not just the person having one.
I mentioned earlier in the week that Emmett was coming into a new fever cycle. When he hits one of these things, he's generally quite miserable, and far more prone to meltdowns.
The fever cycles don't cause the meltdowns directly. They seem to decrease his ability to cope with all the things around him, that would already lead to a meltdown. Things like light, sound, his clothes, and pretty much any other sensory related sensitivity you can imagine.
Let me say that first off, I'm a freak. When it comes to the boys having meltdowns, I rarely get upset. It drives Lizze crazy, because I generally remain really calm, and she may be at her wits end, as would most other people.
I have a seemingly endless amount of patience, when it comes to my kids. If you ask the people closest to me, they would likely agree.
Here's the thing.
I don't have an unlimited supply of patience, because my kids drive me fucking crazy. It wouldn't be a *normal *day if one or more of my kids haven't made me want to hop on the next train to crazy town and lay low for awhile. I should buy a house there, because I'm there often enough.
I've been thinking about this recently, and I've figured out what I'm doing to help ensure I always have enough patience for my kids. I don't think I consciously do this either.
What happens, is my kids get all the patience I have. Perhaps my patience pool is deeper than most other people's, but it's not endless. While I have a great deal of patience with my kids, heaven help the average person that says the wrong thing to me, because I don't have patience to spend on them.
It seems like I have endless patience because I shunt all I have, and reserve for those most important to me. I should print out a shirt that says, *I only have patience for three people today, and you're number four. *lol
Anyway, back to Emmett and his meltdowns.
Emmett's a loud kid in general. We're told it's a sensory thing for him. He has an *indoor *voice, but he rarely if ever uses it. It's like a baby pigeon. Everyone knows baby pigeons exist because adult pigeons have to come from somewhere, but no one ever sees them.
When he melts down, he screams at us. I mean, he literally screams every single word he says. In my opinion, and based on the very nature of meltdowns, this is outside of his control.
I don't think he's intending to scream, but in that moment, he's so completely overwhelmed by everything, he just purges. A meltdown is basically an involuntary action, by which the body purges because it can look longer process anything.
Think of it as a system overload.
Emmett had roughly half a dozen system overloads today, and while I did maintain my composure, I'm completely exhausted as a result. It's really easy to overlook how exhausting it is for a parent to deal with a single meltdown, let alone multiple meltdowns a day.
When Emmett is in a flare, the threshold at which a meltdown is triggered, is significantly lowered. It honestly doesn't take anything to set him off.
It felt like one meltdown after another, the last one being around 9 PM, when he should have been sleeping.
There is no way to reason with Emmett, or any other child for that matter, when they're in a meltdown. In most cases, we have to hunker down, and wait it out.
I'm far from perfect, and on nights like tonight, I come damn close to running out of patience. I sometimes have to put myself in time out, so I can keep myself centered, so to speak.
At the end of the day, it's all about maintenance. When I feel myself on the brink of losing my cool, I remove myself from the situation for a few minutes, even if I need to hide in the bathroom. It's a way for me to collect myself, and remember that the meltdown I'm struggling to deal with, is so much worse for Emmett. He's a child who's so completely overwhelmed, the only thing he can physically do, is Purge.
Days like yesterday, are exhausting on so many levels. I'm in a state of hypervigilance, because I possess enough insight to know that meltdowns are coming, but not enough to know when and where they're going to happen. It could be hours or seconds away, and I try not to be caught off guard.
Like I said at the beginning of this entry, meltdowns have pretty much kicked my ass this week.
Hopefully, I'll get a good night's sleep because it'll be more of the same in the morning.. ☺
