I wanted to put out a brief update on how my tumultuous relationship with *Depression* is going.
In case you've not read any of my past posts on depression, I'll sum it up for you. Depression fucking sucks and unless you're living with it, comprehending it's impact in a truly meaningful way, is not easy.
That's pretty much the status quo for anything, not just Depression. It's tough to understand without first hand knowledge.
My war with Depression has been going on since my early teens. I go to therapy, take my meds and see my doctor whenever I feel changes have to be made.
Lately, I've been doing okay, but not great, at least as far as I'm concerned. I'm not always the best judge of this because I'm too close to see things objectively. My wife talked to me the other day about her concerns that I've begun struggling a bit more recently.
Frankly, I don't know how to qualify that because objectivity is probably mutually exclusive when it comes to judging ones own state when Depression is involved.
From my perspective, I wouldn't say I was doing *great *but I feel like I'm doing okay. I'm really tired in the mornings but that's also explainable by my life..
In all seriousness, when Depression is beginning to kick my ass, I tend to become a *worry wort. *I'm less inclined to see the positives around me and instead focus on every little, tiny negative. I do feel like I'm doing that more often but I'm able to talk myself through it at this point.
I think stress is probably my worst enemy and Depression's greatest ally. It's the one thing that can break me down while at the same time, bolstering or emboldening my Depression. That's what tends to cause the balance of power to swing to the other side, at least for me.
Right now, in this very moment, I'm feeling pretty *okay. *Lizze and I have been doing a good bit of walking during the week, both with and without the kids. Exercise can really help me to sorta find my inner balance or inner peace. I know that may sound corny but it's true.
I will point out that there is also evidence that I’m holding my own right now.
I'm finding it easier and more enjoyable to write. When I'm really, really depressed, if I do manage to write, it's basic stuff like how our day went. When I'm doing better, I can write about things that are of interest to a greater number of people.
At this point in time, I guess it's more of a toss up. There's no clear, defined *anything *that would cause me great concern, am I the best judge?
It's really beneficial when Lizze and I can gently point out to each other when we think the other might be struggling a little bit. Like I said, sometimes it's hard, if not impossible to be objective when looking internally.
