Part of my job is to help the world at large better understand what goes into being an Autism parent. A large component of that, unfortunately, is stress related.
This post is all about the things that have me so stressed out at this point that I'm physically ill.
Some of you will be able to relate while others may not but what matters most to me is getting the information out there. If these things go without mention, how will anyone gain a deeper insight into all that parents like myself have to go through.
It goes without saying that Autism is a major source of stress in my life. There are times that I hate Autism because of how difficult it makes the lives of my children and yet there are other times when I'm in awe of it. What I think people tend to sorta lose sight of is that parents like myself have to also deal with all the same issues as everyone else, on top of all that Autism, fragile health and serious mental health issues that make our lives so difficult.
One of the things that has me so stressed out is money. I'm currently in a situation where we temporarily lost our food benefits (due to a paperwork error) and my paycheck is going to be three weeks late. This has put us in a temporary but very difficult situation.
While I'm dealing with worries about feeding my family, I'm still having to watch my oldest deteriorate in front of my very eyes. His seizures seem to be coming back, his legs keep giving out on him, he's struggling with bladder issues, his platelet count is still low and these are just the most recent scares.
There's also utilities that are in shut-off status. The bills aren't too bad but we are behind. Paying them wouldn't be an issue but I've had to shunt everything into groceries. Now everytime a utility truck drives by, I'm worried it's going to be our turn to get shut off because I know we're on borrowed time.
We've had two out of town doctors appointments this week and neither were fun or cheap. While one of these trips led to obtaining a new medication that will hopefully help with his bladders issues.
Unfortunately, the side effects are going to be unpleasant and will require another medication to treat.
All these things and more are weighing heavily on my shoulders.
Life isn't easy and while I'm beyond stressed out over issues with groceries and bills, I have such a hard time focusing on them when I know Gavin is getting worse.
Neither one of these things have allowed me any direct control and so there's an overwhelming feeling of helplessness, especially when it comes to my kids.
There are more everyday things that pile on like the yard full of leaves that need raked, a house in need of repairs and a neighborhood that not safe for us to live in. There's no end to this stuff.
I don't share this stuff to garner sympathy because we all have our crosses to bare. I share them in order to help you better understand what an Autism or special needs family might be going through.
While everyone's challenges are different, the point is that parents like myself have an inexplicable amount of stress and worry that goes way beyond, while still encompassing all the same everyday things that everyone else has to deal with.
It's suffocating. It's overwhelming. It's demoralizing. It's exhausting.
It's also my life and one that I fully embrace but struggle with on a daily basis.
