Not having a lot of energy, makes writing a challenging thing to get accomplished.  I want to write more often but it just seems too difficult.  This may be part of my problem as well because writing is such a tremendous outlet for me that not writing means that I internalize things more…

I’m making a concerted effort today because I’m being tested by Mr. Gavin in ways I haven’t been for awhile.

He’s not doing anything wrong but cognitively, he’s slipping big time. 

The latest example is that while I was preparing his IVIG infusion, I made sure the pump was primed and there were no air bubbles in the lines. Gavin was in the bathroom so I decided to get everyone’s meds ready. 

I was finishing up Gavin’s meds when he came into the kitchen and told me that he had to shut the infusion pump off because I had left it on. 

Knowing exactly what I had and hadn’t done, I quickly finished his meds because they were already opened and spread out on the counter. I went into the living room to find that Gavin hadn’t turned the pump off, he’d actually turned it on and left it running. 

It’s hard to really confuse the on and off position because turning it off is simple but turning it on requires considerable force. 

He ended up wasting close to 6 cc’s of GAMMAGARD, all over the table.  I don’t know how he mixed this up but he did. 

In the last 2 days, he’s ruined 2 loaves of bread as well because he used them and just tossed it back into a the cabinet without closing up the bags. 

I’m suspecting that he may be manic.  His impulsivity could explain all of these events.  He’s acting without thinking first.  He’s also talking nonstop and it’s so bad I’ve felt the need to jam pencils in my ears, just to get some relief from the borage of his words. 

I don’t think he’s doing any of this to cause a problem and I don’t think he has much control over it right now. 

Knowing or suspecting this helps me to keep everything in perspective but it doesn’t make it easier to cope with.  He’s driving me fucking crazy and it isn’t even lunch time yet…  😲