Last night Emmett couldn’t fall asleep. He tried for a couple of hours but he just couldn’t.
Trying to improve my own sleep schedule, I opted to take a Melatonin and call it a night much earlier than I normally would.
This would not only help me but also help Emmett fall asleep.
It worked great because both he and I were out in no time.
Unfortunately, the one night I have a really good shot of getting some restful sleep, Elliott wakes up about 3:30 am again and can’t go back to sleep.
I ended up on the couch because Elliott wanted to try sleeping there to see if it would help.
The rest of it is a sleepless blur….
I don’t know what the heck is going on with Elliott but he needs to sleep and I need him to sleep.
This site is managed almost exclusively from my Samsung Galaxy Note 5. Please forgive any typos as auto-correct HATES me. 😉
If you like what I’m doing, PLEASE consider supporting my efforts. Click here to find ways you can help for FREE.
I’ll address everyone at once. Yes, this was a total dick move. Thank you Kim for the label because that’s really well put. ☺
She decided it was time to introduce them to her boyfriend. I knew nothing about it until after the fact because she didn’t think I needed to know.
This was of zero benefit to the kids and was only done because she wanted it to happen.
Well as you all said, that was a dick move and I dealt with it.
As for her parents supervising the visitations, they are doing the best they can. Lizze is not easy to work with since whatever caused this shift in her personality to happen, happened. They are living with her and that can’t be easy. Things are supervised because of her physical and emotional health as well as her medications and the side effects they cause.
It’s really complicated and frankly, I’ve been forbidden from speaking with her family and they have been forbidden from speaking with me. It’s a Lizze rule and one that is particularly irritating for me but it puts her parents in a bad spot because again, they live with her.
She likes to compartmentalize everyone to control the flow of information.
When you’re dealing with serious mental health issues, things become infinitely more complex.
I’m figuring this out as I go and I’m doing everything I can to ensure shit like this doesn’t happen..
Frankly, at the end of the day, I not really upset that the boys met her boyfriend. That being said, I’m pissed that it happened the way it did and that she made the decision on her own. The kids paid the price but everyone survived and I’m hoping that I made it very clear what would happen if something like this were to ever happen again.
It’s over and done with but it’s impact is longer lasting.
I want to make this very clear. Lizze isn’t a bad person. I truly believe she’s mentally ill and that the Lizze I loved and married, would never do any of these things. Unfortunately, that Lizze is dead and what the boys and I are left with is someone who lacks the capacity to be who we need her to be.
Instead, we have to accept the new her and then put safety things in place to ensure the best interests of the kids.
I’m not bashing Lizze and have nothing but respect from her parents. This is just a bit more insight into the how’s and why’s…..
Mental illness is a very serious thing and it’s impact can be significant and far reaching. Unfortunately, I have no say or any way to help her.
We have to make the best out of what we got…
I think restless is a good way to describe it. If I move downstairs with him, the change seems to help him go back to sleep…
I think restless is a good way to describe it. If I move downstairs with him, the change seems to help him go back to sleep…
I’ll address everyone at once. Yes, this was a total dick move. Thank you Kim for the label because that’s really well put. ☺
She decided it was time to introduce them to her boyfriend. I knew nothing about it until after the fact because she didn’t think I needed to know.
This was of zero benefit to the kids and was only done because she wanted it to happen.
Well as you all said, that was a dick move and I dealt with it.
As for her parents supervising the visitations, they are doing the best they can. Lizze is not easy to work with since whatever caused this shift in her personality to happen, happened. They are living with her and that can’t be easy. Things are supervised because of her physical and emotional health as well as her medications and the side effects they cause.
It’s really complicated and frankly, I’ve been forbidden from speaking with her family and they have been forbidden from speaking with me. It’s a Lizze rule and one that is particularly irritating for me but it puts her parents in a bad spot because again, they live with her.
She likes to compartmentalize everyone to control the flow of information.
When you’re dealing with serious mental health issues, things become infinitely more complex.
I’m figuring this out as I go and I’m doing everything I can to ensure shit like this doesn’t happen..
Frankly, at the end of the day, I not really upset that the boys met her boyfriend. That being said, I’m pissed that it happened the way it did and that she made the decision on her own. The kids paid the price but everyone survived and I’m hoping that I made it very clear what would happen if something like this were to ever happen again.
It’s over and done with but it’s impact is longer lasting.
I want to make this very clear. Lizze isn’t a bad person. I truly believe she’s mentally ill and that the Lizze I loved and married, would never do any of these things. Unfortunately, that Lizze is dead and what the boys and I are left with is someone who lacks the capacity to be who we need her to be.
Instead, we have to accept the new her and then put safety things in place to ensure the best interests of the kids.
I’m not bashing Lizze and have nothing but respect from her parents. This is just a bit more insight into the how’s and why’s…..
Mental illness is a very serious thing and it’s impact can be significant and far reaching. Unfortunately, I have no say or any way to help her.
We have to make the best out of what we got…
Wait, she forbids you and her parents from interacting with one another, and you all allow it? That is letting the inmate run the asylum. You are the boys’ father, and her parents are in charge of supervising contact with their mother, I fail to see how you’re supposed to avoid speaking to them. I get that Lizze might be angry or upset at the 3 of you ignoring the rules that she has set up, but that’s her problem, mental illness or no. I’m not sure if your divorce is final yet, but once you have full custody of the boys you need to ignore her demands and be in touch with her parents. You being in touch with them is in the boys’ best interest.
Kim,
I don’t let her get away with anything and I certainly don’t allow myself to be compartmentalized. However, I don’t have to deal with her every single day either.
If I need to speak with anyone, I speak with them.
Good. Please don’t let Lizze try to bully you or force boundaries that are not in the best interest of the boys.
Thanks. It’s not really like that though. No one’s bullying anyone, it’s just about finding away to make things balance out.
It’s the understatement of the year to say that this is a tough situation. I do think that in her condition Lizze shouldn’t be able to unilaterally decide that she gets to control the information/communication flow. In your situation it partially defeats the purpose of the visitation, particularly considering the fragile emotional states of your boys. But keep doing the best you can- it’s all you can do.
Thank you for explaining, I know it’s not the most pleasant topic. I cannot imagine the difficulties in this complex situation and I appreciate the clarification. But one thing really stands out here….
I think anyone would take issue with having the troublemaker who has shattered lives get to lay down any rules whatsoever. In this country you have a right to speak to whomever you like, especially your children’s grandparents, unless a court of law found otherwise. I agree with the others that it is not a great idea, nor precedent, in letting the person who cannot support themselves nor see their children unsupervised, get to lay down any such (really, really) absurd “rules.” She is legally powerless, in every sense, and this “forbidding” something is obviously a way to try and have some perceived control when in actuality she has none. What on earth would or could she do anyway, if and when you spoke to them? Will she throw a fit, scream? She lives there by their permission, they are presumably her only means of support. I guess I just don’t understand that dynamic, it is so very far from normal. Her even thinking to do that is almost laughably juvenile. They are presumably feeding her and taking care of her and subsequently your children as well when they are there…as you are their primary caretaker it seems almost imperative you have a running dialogue with them! It just seems unsafe at some point to even trust that she would be truthful to them about you and vice versa. Especially in light of what she just pulled without consulting you.
I know it must be beyond painful to see the loved one who was a good partner and mother, metamorphosize into a virtual stranger. But giving that person power to make up rules that are detrimental to the boys’ upbringing … I just can’t see how that’s a good idea to placate her in this way. Again, wish you all the best, I can see every poster does too. It’s truly out of concern for your boys and you that we opine, thanks for being thick skinned when we get on our soapboxes, just trying to help.
I only have so much control and I have zero control over the decisions of others.
Believe me when I say it’s frustrating for me as well because it is. Right now, everyone’s walking in egg shells, which frankly, is bullshit but everyone’s got to survive.
I’m figuring things out but I can only do so much on my end.
I truly appreciate everyone’s concern and support. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I had an inkling this may have happened. I would offer Elliott a break from her. Just the stability of being with you constantly for 2-3 weeks may help him recover
Yep a dick move, but not totally unexpected. She is married, yet has boyfriend. She is self centered and frankly acting inappropriately in front of the kids. She needs to wait until you are both legally divorced, and not have a ‘boyfriend’ . She needs to quit thinking of herself just for a few minutes. She hasnt even known this new man long enough to entrust him with her kids much less tell the boys she has a boyfriend. How completly ignorant and juvenile.
I am sure her folks are doing the best they can under the circumstances and putting up with this crap because that what it is. They are in a tough spot- and I dont envy them.
I truly dont believe Lizzie IS mentally ill. I think she is selfish, she saw a man with a few bucks and she is pursuing it in an attempt to either move out of her folks home or completely remove herself. I think its a poor excuse.
Now there is some little kid (hers) who is suffering, who doesnt understand.
You have more patience than I do Rob.
I don’t disagree with you in most cases mentioned above but there is mental illness. I was there at the Cleveland Clinic when she was diagnosed. Is that an excuse, no but it’s an explanation.
Thank You. I don’t have money or a lot of the things we need but I do have a plethora of patience… ☺
We call that splitting. I am sorry Rob. A borderline mother/wife is not easy and you are right it is an illness.
Thank you and we’ll said… ☺
Maybe see if he can articulate anything at Patti’s this week? I’d be looking for cognitive strategies to help him identify his worries and pack them away for the night. Have they been introduced to Lizze’s new boyfriend? He may need a bit of stability and time away from her.
Oh.. You missed that whole thing. Yeah, she decided to introduce them on Thanksgiving Day and used the word boyfriend. I had no clue this was happening until she ambushed me with it later on after the fact.
That’s definitely something that bothers Elliott but at this point, I don’t know if it’s just any one thing.
That was an absolute dick move on her part and should have been discussed with you first.
If this is going too far astray please don’t feel compelled to respond, but since this door has already been opened a bit above…
So Lizze has visitation which is required to be supervised by her parents, right? What is that supervision supposed to entail? I would assume that it is, in part, to protect your kids’ emotional well being. Introducing her boyfriend to your kids was more than just a “dick move” as so eloquently put above. It is irresponsible, selfish, and thoughtless at this point in time. If her visitation is supposed to be supervised, where was that supervision in this case? What training or guidance do Lizze’s parents get which qualifies them to supervise?
I don’t mean to pick on Lizze’s parents. Perhaps the parameters for supervision really haven’t been set. But this sort of seems like supervision in name only if they allow irresponsible choices like this to be made on their watch.
Again, I apologize if this has gone further than you want it to in this forum. Just letting you know you have readers who are trying to look out for you…
Look above for my response..
I am beyond being shocked anymore by her horrendous decision making. I don’t recall reading about this, we were traveling, I must have missed that particular post?
I cannot think of this in any way but for what it is: callous, selfish, egotistical, self serving, self obsessed, hurtful & confusing (to the kids), and against what any counselor or therapist, or anyone with common sense would ever recommend a person doing, even with neurotypical kids. Another “all about me and my life” move. No -as Kim rightly nails it, an absolute dick move.
Three fragile kids of her own whose mental health and well being she has callously disregarded, have to deal with THAT as well?! I almost wrote, “is she insane?” but realized, oh, wait…sigh. No wonder the kids are on an emotional roller coaster with sleep issues. She seems bound and determined that they continue to have issues as via her blog she always seemed to almost *want* to have illnesses, as the attention would be on her. ( Even her birthday blog wish to you turned into something all about her). Sorry, didn’t mean to dredge anything up, but I’m sure you can look back with a different view with reality glasses.
I didn’t mean to go on and on, I’m just sorry you and your children still seem to be almost hostages to her unbalanced thinking and self obsession. I know mental illness is not someone’s fault but there are just boundaries and lines you don’t cross. 🙁
I truly hope the kids can adapt, for your sake as well as theirs. Wishing you all well this holiday season.
Look above for my response. I answered everyone at the same time.
Maybe see if he can articulate anything at Patti’s this week? I’d be looking for cognitive strategies to help him identify his worries and pack them away for the night. Have they been introduced to Lizze’s new boyfriend? He may need a bit of stability and time away from her.
Oh.. You missed that whole thing. Yeah, she decided to introduce them on Thanksgiving Day and used the word boyfriend. I had no clue this was happening until she ambushed me with it later on after the fact.
That’s definitely something that bothers Elliott but at this point, I don’t know if it’s just any one thing.
That was an absolute dick move on her part and should have been discussed with you first.
If this is going too far astray please don’t feel compelled to respond, but since this door has already been opened a bit above…
So Lizze has visitation which is required to be supervised by her parents, right? What is that supervision supposed to entail? I would assume that it is, in part, to protect your kids’ emotional well being. Introducing her boyfriend to your kids was more than just a “dick move” as so eloquently put above. It is irresponsible, selfish, and thoughtless at this point in time. If her visitation is supposed to be supervised, where was that supervision in this case? What training or guidance do Lizze’s parents get which qualifies them to supervise?
I don’t mean to pick on Lizze’s parents. Perhaps the parameters for supervision really haven’t been set. But this sort of seems like supervision in name only if they allow irresponsible choices like this to be made on their watch.
Again, I apologize if this has gone further than you want it to in this forum. Just letting you know you have readers who are trying to look out for you…
Look above for my response..
I am beyond being shocked anymore by her horrendous decision making. I don’t recall reading about this, we were traveling, I must have missed that particular post?
I cannot think of this in any way but for what it is: callous, selfish, egotistical, self serving, self obsessed, hurtful & confusing (to the kids), and against what any counselor or therapist, or anyone with common sense would ever recommend a person doing, even with neurotypical kids. Another “all about me and my life” move. No -as Kim rightly nails it, an absolute dick move.
Three fragile kids of her own whose mental health and well being she has callously disregarded, have to deal with THAT as well?! I almost wrote, “is she insane?” but realized, oh, wait…sigh. No wonder the kids are on an emotional roller coaster with sleep issues. She seems bound and determined that they continue to have issues as via her blog she always seemed to almost *want* to have illnesses, as the attention would be on her. ( Even her birthday blog wish to you turned into something all about her). Sorry, didn’t mean to dredge anything up, but I’m sure you can look back with a different view with reality glasses.
I didn’t mean to go on and on, I’m just sorry you and your children still seem to be almost hostages to her unbalanced thinking and self obsession. I know mental illness is not someone’s fault but there are just boundaries and lines you don’t cross. 🙁
I truly hope the kids can adapt, for your sake as well as theirs. Wishing you all well this holiday season.
Look above for my response. I answered everyone at the same time.
I think restless is a good way to describe it. If I move downstairs with him, the change seems to help him go back to sleep…
I’ll address everyone at once. Yes, this was a total dick move. Thank you Kim for the label because that’s really well put. ☺
She decided it was time to introduce them to her boyfriend. I knew nothing about it until after the fact because she didn’t think I needed to know.
This was of zero benefit to the kids and was only done because she wanted it to happen.
Well as you all said, that was a dick move and I dealt with it.
As for her parents supervising the visitations, they are doing the best they can. Lizze is not easy to work with since whatever caused this shift in her personality to happen, happened. They are living with her and that can’t be easy. Things are supervised because of her physical and emotional health as well as her medications and the side effects they cause.
It’s really complicated and frankly, I’ve been forbidden from speaking with her family and they have been forbidden from speaking with me. It’s a Lizze rule and one that is particularly irritating for me but it puts her parents in a bad spot because again, they live with her.
She likes to compartmentalize everyone to control the flow of information.
When you’re dealing with serious mental health issues, things become infinitely more complex.
I’m figuring this out as I go and I’m doing everything I can to ensure shit like this doesn’t happen..
Frankly, at the end of the day, I not really upset that the boys met her boyfriend. That being said, I’m pissed that it happened the way it did and that she made the decision on her own. The kids paid the price but everyone survived and I’m hoping that I made it very clear what would happen if something like this were to ever happen again.
It’s over and done with but it’s impact is longer lasting.
I want to make this very clear. Lizze isn’t a bad person. I truly believe she’s mentally ill and that the Lizze I loved and married, would never do any of these things. Unfortunately, that Lizze is dead and what the boys and I are left with is someone who lacks the capacity to be who we need her to be.
Instead, we have to accept the new her and then put safety things in place to ensure the best interests of the kids.
I’m not bashing Lizze and have nothing but respect from her parents. This is just a bit more insight into the how’s and why’s…..
Mental illness is a very serious thing and it’s impact can be significant and far reaching. Unfortunately, I have no say or any way to help her.
We have to make the best out of what we got…
Maybe see if he can articulate anything at Patti’s this week? I’d be looking for cognitive strategies to help him identify his worries and pack them away for the night. Have they been introduced to Lizze’s new boyfriend? He may need a bit of stability and time away from her.
Oh.. You missed that whole thing. Yeah, she decided to introduce them on Thanksgiving Day and used the word boyfriend. I had no clue this was happening until she ambushed me with it later on after the fact.
That’s definitely something that bothers Elliott but at this point, I don’t know if it’s just any one thing.
That was an absolute dick move on her part and should have been discussed with you first.
If this is going too far astray please don’t feel compelled to respond, but since this door has already been opened a bit above…
So Lizze has visitation which is required to be supervised by her parents, right? What is that supervision supposed to entail? I would assume that it is, in part, to protect your kids’ emotional well being. Introducing her boyfriend to your kids was more than just a “dick move” as so eloquently put above. It is irresponsible, selfish, and thoughtless at this point in time. If her visitation is supposed to be supervised, where was that supervision in this case? What training or guidance do Lizze’s parents get which qualifies them to supervise?
I don’t mean to pick on Lizze’s parents. Perhaps the parameters for supervision really haven’t been set. But this sort of seems like supervision in name only if they allow irresponsible choices like this to be made on their watch.
Again, I apologize if this has gone further than you want it to in this forum. Just letting you know you have readers who are trying to look out for you…
Look above for my response..
I am beyond being shocked anymore by her horrendous decision making. I don’t recall reading about this, we were traveling, I must have missed that particular post?
I cannot think of this in any way but for what it is: callous, selfish, egotistical, self serving, self obsessed, hurtful & confusing (to the kids), and against what any counselor or therapist, or anyone with common sense would ever recommend a person doing, even with neurotypical kids. Another “all about me and my life” move. No -as Kim rightly nails it, an absolute dick move.
Three fragile kids of her own whose mental health and well being she has callously disregarded, have to deal with THAT as well?! I almost wrote, “is she insane?” but realized, oh, wait…sigh. No wonder the kids are on an emotional roller coaster with sleep issues. She seems bound and determined that they continue to have issues as via her blog she always seemed to almost *want* to have illnesses, as the attention would be on her. ( Even her birthday blog wish to you turned into something all about her). Sorry, didn’t mean to dredge anything up, but I’m sure you can look back with a different view with reality glasses.
I didn’t mean to go on and on, I’m just sorry you and your children still seem to be almost hostages to her unbalanced thinking and self obsession. I know mental illness is not someone’s fault but there are just boundaries and lines you don’t cross. 🙁
I truly hope the kids can adapt, for your sake as well as theirs. Wishing you all well this holiday season.
Look above for my response. I answered everyone at the same time.
I’ll address everyone at once. Yes, this was a total dick move. Thank you Kim for the label because that’s really well put. ☺
She decided it was time to introduce them to her boyfriend. I knew nothing about it until after the fact because she didn’t think I needed to know.
This was of zero benefit to the kids and was only done because she wanted it to happen.
Well as you all said, that was a dick move and I dealt with it.
As for her parents supervising the visitations, they are doing the best they can. Lizze is not easy to work with since whatever caused this shift in her personality to happen, happened. They are living with her and that can’t be easy. Things are supervised because of her physical and emotional health as well as her medications and the side effects they cause.
It’s really complicated and frankly, I’ve been forbidden from speaking with her family and they have been forbidden from speaking with me. It’s a Lizze rule and one that is particularly irritating for me but it puts her parents in a bad spot because again, they live with her.
She likes to compartmentalize everyone to control the flow of information.
When you’re dealing with serious mental health issues, things become infinitely more complex.
I’m figuring this out as I go and I’m doing everything I can to ensure shit like this doesn’t happen..
Frankly, at the end of the day, I not really upset that the boys met her boyfriend. That being said, I’m pissed that it happened the way it did and that she made the decision on her own. The kids paid the price but everyone survived and I’m hoping that I made it very clear what would happen if something like this were to ever happen again.
It’s over and done with but it’s impact is longer lasting.
I want to make this very clear. Lizze isn’t a bad person. I truly believe she’s mentally ill and that the Lizze I loved and married, would never do any of these things. Unfortunately, that Lizze is dead and what the boys and I are left with is someone who lacks the capacity to be who we need her to be.
Instead, we have to accept the new her and then put safety things in place to ensure the best interests of the kids.
I’m not bashing Lizze and have nothing but respect from her parents. This is just a bit more insight into the how’s and why’s…..
Mental illness is a very serious thing and it’s impact can be significant and far reaching. Unfortunately, I have no say or any way to help her.
We have to make the best out of what we got…
I think restless is a good way to describe it. If I move downstairs with him, the change seems to help him go back to sleep…
Maybe see if he can articulate anything at Patti’s this week? I’d be looking for cognitive strategies to help him identify his worries and pack them away for the night. Have they been introduced to Lizze’s new boyfriend? He may need a bit of stability and time away from her.
Oh.. You missed that whole thing. Yeah, she decided to introduce them on Thanksgiving Day and used the word boyfriend. I had no clue this was happening until she ambushed me with it later on after the fact.
That’s definitely something that bothers Elliott but at this point, I don’t know if it’s just any one thing.
That was an absolute dick move on her part and should have been discussed with you first.
If this is going too far astray please don’t feel compelled to respond, but since this door has already been opened a bit above…
So Lizze has visitation which is required to be supervised by her parents, right? What is that supervision supposed to entail? I would assume that it is, in part, to protect your kids’ emotional well being. Introducing her boyfriend to your kids was more than just a “dick move” as so eloquently put above. It is irresponsible, selfish, and thoughtless at this point in time. If her visitation is supposed to be supervised, where was that supervision in this case? What training or guidance do Lizze’s parents get which qualifies them to supervise?
I don’t mean to pick on Lizze’s parents. Perhaps the parameters for supervision really haven’t been set. But this sort of seems like supervision in name only if they allow irresponsible choices like this to be made on their watch.
Again, I apologize if this has gone further than you want it to in this forum. Just letting you know you have readers who are trying to look out for you…
Look above for my response..
I am beyond being shocked anymore by her horrendous decision making. I don’t recall reading about this, we were traveling, I must have missed that particular post?
I cannot think of this in any way but for what it is: callous, selfish, egotistical, self serving, self obsessed, hurtful & confusing (to the kids), and against what any counselor or therapist, or anyone with common sense would ever recommend a person doing, even with neurotypical kids. Another “all about me and my life” move. No -as Kim rightly nails it, an absolute dick move.
Three fragile kids of her own whose mental health and well being she has callously disregarded, have to deal with THAT as well?! I almost wrote, “is she insane?” but realized, oh, wait…sigh. No wonder the kids are on an emotional roller coaster with sleep issues. She seems bound and determined that they continue to have issues as via her blog she always seemed to almost *want* to have illnesses, as the attention would be on her. ( Even her birthday blog wish to you turned into something all about her). Sorry, didn’t mean to dredge anything up, but I’m sure you can look back with a different view with reality glasses.
I didn’t mean to go on and on, I’m just sorry you and your children still seem to be almost hostages to her unbalanced thinking and self obsession. I know mental illness is not someone’s fault but there are just boundaries and lines you don’t cross. 🙁
I truly hope the kids can adapt, for your sake as well as theirs. Wishing you all well this holiday season.
Look above for my response. I answered everyone at the same time.
I’ll address everyone at once. Yes, this was a total dick move. Thank you Kim for the label because that’s really well put. ☺
She decided it was time to introduce them to her boyfriend. I knew nothing about it until after the fact because she didn’t think I needed to know.
This was of zero benefit to the kids and was only done because she wanted it to happen.
Well as you all said, that was a dick move and I dealt with it.
As for her parents supervising the visitations, they are doing the best they can. Lizze is not easy to work with since whatever caused this shift in her personality to happen, happened. They are living with her and that can’t be easy. Things are supervised because of her physical and emotional health as well as her medications and the side effects they cause.
It’s really complicated and frankly, I’ve been forbidden from speaking with her family and they have been forbidden from speaking with me. It’s a Lizze rule and one that is particularly irritating for me but it puts her parents in a bad spot because again, they live with her.
She likes to compartmentalize everyone to control the flow of information.
When you’re dealing with serious mental health issues, things become infinitely more complex.
I’m figuring this out as I go and I’m doing everything I can to ensure shit like this doesn’t happen..
Frankly, at the end of the day, I not really upset that the boys met her boyfriend. That being said, I’m pissed that it happened the way it did and that she made the decision on her own. The kids paid the price but everyone survived and I’m hoping that I made it very clear what would happen if something like this were to ever happen again.
It’s over and done with but it’s impact is longer lasting.
I want to make this very clear. Lizze isn’t a bad person. I truly believe she’s mentally ill and that the Lizze I loved and married, would never do any of these things. Unfortunately, that Lizze is dead and what the boys and I are left with is someone who lacks the capacity to be who we need her to be.
Instead, we have to accept the new her and then put safety things in place to ensure the best interests of the kids.
I’m not bashing Lizze and have nothing but respect from her parents. This is just a bit more insight into the how’s and why’s…..
Mental illness is a very serious thing and it’s impact can be significant and far reaching. Unfortunately, I have no say or any way to help her.
We have to make the best out of what we got…
I think restless is a good way to describe it. If I move downstairs with him, the change seems to help him go back to sleep…
Maybe see if he can articulate anything at Patti’s this week? I’d be looking for cognitive strategies to help him identify his worries and pack them away for the night. Have they been introduced to Lizze’s new boyfriend? He may need a bit of stability and time away from her.
Oh.. You missed that whole thing. Yeah, she decided to introduce them on Thanksgiving Day and used the word boyfriend. I had no clue this was happening until she ambushed me with it later on after the fact.
That’s definitely something that bothers Elliott but at this point, I don’t know if it’s just any one thing.
That was an absolute dick move on her part and should have been discussed with you first.
If this is going too far astray please don’t feel compelled to respond, but since this door has already been opened a bit above…
So Lizze has visitation which is required to be supervised by her parents, right? What is that supervision supposed to entail? I would assume that it is, in part, to protect your kids’ emotional well being. Introducing her boyfriend to your kids was more than just a “dick move” as so eloquently put above. It is irresponsible, selfish, and thoughtless at this point in time. If her visitation is supposed to be supervised, where was that supervision in this case? What training or guidance do Lizze’s parents get which qualifies them to supervise?
I don’t mean to pick on Lizze’s parents. Perhaps the parameters for supervision really haven’t been set. But this sort of seems like supervision in name only if they allow irresponsible choices like this to be made on their watch.
Again, I apologize if this has gone further than you want it to in this forum. Just letting you know you have readers who are trying to look out for you…
Look above for my response..
I am beyond being shocked anymore by her horrendous decision making. I don’t recall reading about this, we were traveling, I must have missed that particular post?
I cannot think of this in any way but for what it is: callous, selfish, egotistical, self serving, self obsessed, hurtful & confusing (to the kids), and against what any counselor or therapist, or anyone with common sense would ever recommend a person doing, even with neurotypical kids. Another “all about me and my life” move. No -as Kim rightly nails it, an absolute dick move.
Three fragile kids of her own whose mental health and well being she has callously disregarded, have to deal with THAT as well?! I almost wrote, “is she insane?” but realized, oh, wait…sigh. No wonder the kids are on an emotional roller coaster with sleep issues. She seems bound and determined that they continue to have issues as via her blog she always seemed to almost *want* to have illnesses, as the attention would be on her. ( Even her birthday blog wish to you turned into something all about her). Sorry, didn’t mean to dredge anything up, but I’m sure you can look back with a different view with reality glasses.
I didn’t mean to go on and on, I’m just sorry you and your children still seem to be almost hostages to her unbalanced thinking and self obsession. I know mental illness is not someone’s fault but there are just boundaries and lines you don’t cross. 🙁
I truly hope the kids can adapt, for your sake as well as theirs. Wishing you all well this holiday season.
Look above for my response. I answered everyone at the same time.
Yep a dick move, but not totally unexpected. She is married, yet has boyfriend. She is self centered and frankly acting inappropriately in front of the kids. She needs to wait until you are both legally divorced, and not have a ‘boyfriend’ . She needs to quit thinking of herself just for a few minutes. She hasnt even known this new man long enough to entrust him with her kids much less tell the boys she has a boyfriend. How completly ignorant and juvenile.
I am sure her folks are doing the best they can under the circumstances and putting up with this crap because that what it is. They are in a tough spot- and I dont envy them.
I truly dont believe Lizzie IS mentally ill. I think she is selfish, she saw a man with a few bucks and she is pursuing it in an attempt to either move out of her folks home or completely remove herself. I think its a poor excuse.
Now there is some little kid (hers) who is suffering, who doesnt understand.
You have more patience than I do Rob.
I don’t disagree with you in most cases mentioned above but there is mental illness. I was there at the Cleveland Clinic when she was diagnosed. Is that an excuse, no but it’s an explanation.
Thank You. I don’t have money or a lot of the things we need but I do have a plethora of patience… ☺
We call that splitting. I am sorry Rob. A borderline mother/wife is not easy and you are right it is an illness.
Thank you and we’ll said… ☺
I’ll address everyone at once. Yes, this was a total dick move. Thank you Kim for the label because that’s really well put. ☺
She decided it was time to introduce them to her boyfriend. I knew nothing about it until after the fact because she didn’t think I needed to know.
This was of zero benefit to the kids and was only done because she wanted it to happen.
Well as you all said, that was a dick move and I dealt with it.
As for her parents supervising the visitations, they are doing the best they can. Lizze is not easy to work with since whatever caused this shift in her personality to happen, happened. They are living with her and that can’t be easy. Things are supervised because of her physical and emotional health as well as her medications and the side effects they cause.
It’s really complicated and frankly, I’ve been forbidden from speaking with her family and they have been forbidden from speaking with me. It’s a Lizze rule and one that is particularly irritating for me but it puts her parents in a bad spot because again, they live with her.
She likes to compartmentalize everyone to control the flow of information.
When you’re dealing with serious mental health issues, things become infinitely more complex.
I’m figuring this out as I go and I’m doing everything I can to ensure shit like this doesn’t happen..
Frankly, at the end of the day, I not really upset that the boys met her boyfriend. That being said, I’m pissed that it happened the way it did and that she made the decision on her own. The kids paid the price but everyone survived and I’m hoping that I made it very clear what would happen if something like this were to ever happen again.
It’s over and done with but it’s impact is longer lasting.
I want to make this very clear. Lizze isn’t a bad person. I truly believe she’s mentally ill and that the Lizze I loved and married, would never do any of these things. Unfortunately, that Lizze is dead and what the boys and I are left with is someone who lacks the capacity to be who we need her to be.
Instead, we have to accept the new her and then put safety things in place to ensure the best interests of the kids.
I’m not bashing Lizze and have nothing but respect from her parents. This is just a bit more insight into the how’s and why’s…..
Mental illness is a very serious thing and it’s impact can be significant and far reaching. Unfortunately, I have no say or any way to help her.
We have to make the best out of what we got…
Wait, she forbids you and her parents from interacting with one another, and you all allow it? That is letting the inmate run the asylum. You are the boys’ father, and her parents are in charge of supervising contact with their mother, I fail to see how you’re supposed to avoid speaking to them. I get that Lizze might be angry or upset at the 3 of you ignoring the rules that she has set up, but that’s her problem, mental illness or no. I’m not sure if your divorce is final yet, but once you have full custody of the boys you need to ignore her demands and be in touch with her parents. You being in touch with them is in the boys’ best interest.
Kim,
I don’t let her get away with anything and I certainly don’t allow myself to be compartmentalized. However, I don’t have to deal with her every single day either.
If I need to speak with anyone, I speak with them.
Good. Please don’t let Lizze try to bully you or force boundaries that are not in the best interest of the boys.
Thanks. It’s not really like that though. No one’s bullying anyone, it’s just about finding away to make things balance out.
It’s the understatement of the year to say that this is a tough situation. I do think that in her condition Lizze shouldn’t be able to unilaterally decide that she gets to control the information/communication flow. In your situation it partially defeats the purpose of the visitation, particularly considering the fragile emotional states of your boys. But keep doing the best you can- it’s all you can do.
Thank you for explaining, I know it’s not the most pleasant topic. I cannot imagine the difficulties in this complex situation and I appreciate the clarification. But one thing really stands out here….
I think anyone would take issue with having the troublemaker who has shattered lives get to lay down any rules whatsoever. In this country you have a right to speak to whomever you like, especially your children’s grandparents, unless a court of law found otherwise. I agree with the others that it is not a great idea, nor precedent, in letting the person who cannot support themselves nor see their children unsupervised, get to lay down any such (really, really) absurd “rules.” She is legally powerless, in every sense, and this “forbidding” something is obviously a way to try and have some perceived control when in actuality she has none. What on earth would or could she do anyway, if and when you spoke to them? Will she throw a fit, scream? She lives there by their permission, they are presumably her only means of support. I guess I just don’t understand that dynamic, it is so very far from normal. Her even thinking to do that is almost laughably juvenile. They are presumably feeding her and taking care of her and subsequently your children as well when they are there…as you are their primary caretaker it seems almost imperative you have a running dialogue with them! It just seems unsafe at some point to even trust that she would be truthful to them about you and vice versa. Especially in light of what she just pulled without consulting you.
I know it must be beyond painful to see the loved one who was a good partner and mother, metamorphosize into a virtual stranger. But giving that person power to make up rules that are detrimental to the boys’ upbringing … I just can’t see how that’s a good idea to placate her in this way. Again, wish you all the best, I can see every poster does too. It’s truly out of concern for your boys and you that we opine, thanks for being thick skinned when we get on our soapboxes, just trying to help.
I only have so much control and I have zero control over the decisions of others.
Believe me when I say it’s frustrating for me as well because it is. Right now, everyone’s walking in egg shells, which frankly, is bullshit but everyone’s got to survive.
I’m figuring things out but I can only do so much on my end.
I truly appreciate everyone’s concern and support. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I had an inkling this may have happened. I would offer Elliott a break from her. Just the stability of being with you constantly for 2-3 weeks may help him recover
I think restless is a good way to describe it. If I move downstairs with him, the change seems to help him go back to sleep…
Maybe see if he can articulate anything at Patti’s this week? I’d be looking for cognitive strategies to help him identify his worries and pack them away for the night. Have they been introduced to Lizze’s new boyfriend? He may need a bit of stability and time away from her.
Oh.. You missed that whole thing. Yeah, she decided to introduce them on Thanksgiving Day and used the word boyfriend. I had no clue this was happening until she ambushed me with it later on after the fact.
That’s definitely something that bothers Elliott but at this point, I don’t know if it’s just any one thing.
That was an absolute dick move on her part and should have been discussed with you first.
If this is going too far astray please don’t feel compelled to respond, but since this door has already been opened a bit above…
So Lizze has visitation which is required to be supervised by her parents, right? What is that supervision supposed to entail? I would assume that it is, in part, to protect your kids’ emotional well being. Introducing her boyfriend to your kids was more than just a “dick move” as so eloquently put above. It is irresponsible, selfish, and thoughtless at this point in time. If her visitation is supposed to be supervised, where was that supervision in this case? What training or guidance do Lizze’s parents get which qualifies them to supervise?
I don’t mean to pick on Lizze’s parents. Perhaps the parameters for supervision really haven’t been set. But this sort of seems like supervision in name only if they allow irresponsible choices like this to be made on their watch.
Again, I apologize if this has gone further than you want it to in this forum. Just letting you know you have readers who are trying to look out for you…
Look above for my response..
I am beyond being shocked anymore by her horrendous decision making. I don’t recall reading about this, we were traveling, I must have missed that particular post?
I cannot think of this in any way but for what it is: callous, selfish, egotistical, self serving, self obsessed, hurtful & confusing (to the kids), and against what any counselor or therapist, or anyone with common sense would ever recommend a person doing, even with neurotypical kids. Another “all about me and my life” move. No -as Kim rightly nails it, an absolute dick move.
Three fragile kids of her own whose mental health and well being she has callously disregarded, have to deal with THAT as well?! I almost wrote, “is she insane?” but realized, oh, wait…sigh. No wonder the kids are on an emotional roller coaster with sleep issues. She seems bound and determined that they continue to have issues as via her blog she always seemed to almost *want* to have illnesses, as the attention would be on her. ( Even her birthday blog wish to you turned into something all about her). Sorry, didn’t mean to dredge anything up, but I’m sure you can look back with a different view with reality glasses.
I didn’t mean to go on and on, I’m just sorry you and your children still seem to be almost hostages to her unbalanced thinking and self obsession. I know mental illness is not someone’s fault but there are just boundaries and lines you don’t cross. 🙁
I truly hope the kids can adapt, for your sake as well as theirs. Wishing you all well this holiday season.
Look above for my response. I answered everyone at the same time.
Yep a dick move, but not totally unexpected. She is married, yet has boyfriend. She is self centered and frankly acting inappropriately in front of the kids. She needs to wait until you are both legally divorced, and not have a ‘boyfriend’ . She needs to quit thinking of herself just for a few minutes. She hasnt even known this new man long enough to entrust him with her kids much less tell the boys she has a boyfriend. How completly ignorant and juvenile.
I am sure her folks are doing the best they can under the circumstances and putting up with this crap because that what it is. They are in a tough spot- and I dont envy them.
I truly dont believe Lizzie IS mentally ill. I think she is selfish, she saw a man with a few bucks and she is pursuing it in an attempt to either move out of her folks home or completely remove herself. I think its a poor excuse.
Now there is some little kid (hers) who is suffering, who doesnt understand.
You have more patience than I do Rob.
I don’t disagree with you in most cases mentioned above but there is mental illness. I was there at the Cleveland Clinic when she was diagnosed. Is that an excuse, no but it’s an explanation.
Thank You. I don’t have money or a lot of the things we need but I do have a plethora of patience… ☺
We call that splitting. I am sorry Rob. A borderline mother/wife is not easy and you are right it is an illness.
Thank you and we’ll said… ☺
I’ll address everyone at once. Yes, this was a total dick move. Thank you Kim for the label because that’s really well put. ☺
She decided it was time to introduce them to her boyfriend. I knew nothing about it until after the fact because she didn’t think I needed to know.
This was of zero benefit to the kids and was only done because she wanted it to happen.
Well as you all said, that was a dick move and I dealt with it.
As for her parents supervising the visitations, they are doing the best they can. Lizze is not easy to work with since whatever caused this shift in her personality to happen, happened. They are living with her and that can’t be easy. Things are supervised because of her physical and emotional health as well as her medications and the side effects they cause.
It’s really complicated and frankly, I’ve been forbidden from speaking with her family and they have been forbidden from speaking with me. It’s a Lizze rule and one that is particularly irritating for me but it puts her parents in a bad spot because again, they live with her.
She likes to compartmentalize everyone to control the flow of information.
When you’re dealing with serious mental health issues, things become infinitely more complex.
I’m figuring this out as I go and I’m doing everything I can to ensure shit like this doesn’t happen..
Frankly, at the end of the day, I not really upset that the boys met her boyfriend. That being said, I’m pissed that it happened the way it did and that she made the decision on her own. The kids paid the price but everyone survived and I’m hoping that I made it very clear what would happen if something like this were to ever happen again.
It’s over and done with but it’s impact is longer lasting.
I want to make this very clear. Lizze isn’t a bad person. I truly believe she’s mentally ill and that the Lizze I loved and married, would never do any of these things. Unfortunately, that Lizze is dead and what the boys and I are left with is someone who lacks the capacity to be who we need her to be.
Instead, we have to accept the new her and then put safety things in place to ensure the best interests of the kids.
I’m not bashing Lizze and have nothing but respect from her parents. This is just a bit more insight into the how’s and why’s…..
Mental illness is a very serious thing and it’s impact can be significant and far reaching. Unfortunately, I have no say or any way to help her.
We have to make the best out of what we got…
Wait, she forbids you and her parents from interacting with one another, and you all allow it? That is letting the inmate run the asylum. You are the boys’ father, and her parents are in charge of supervising contact with their mother, I fail to see how you’re supposed to avoid speaking to them. I get that Lizze might be angry or upset at the 3 of you ignoring the rules that she has set up, but that’s her problem, mental illness or no. I’m not sure if your divorce is final yet, but once you have full custody of the boys you need to ignore her demands and be in touch with her parents. You being in touch with them is in the boys’ best interest.
Kim,
I don’t let her get away with anything and I certainly don’t allow myself to be compartmentalized. However, I don’t have to deal with her every single day either.
If I need to speak with anyone, I speak with them.
Good. Please don’t let Lizze try to bully you or force boundaries that are not in the best interest of the boys.
Thanks. It’s not really like that though. No one’s bullying anyone, it’s just about finding away to make things balance out.
It’s the understatement of the year to say that this is a tough situation. I do think that in her condition Lizze shouldn’t be able to unilaterally decide that she gets to control the information/communication flow. In your situation it partially defeats the purpose of the visitation, particularly considering the fragile emotional states of your boys. But keep doing the best you can- it’s all you can do.
Thank you for explaining, I know it’s not the most pleasant topic. I cannot imagine the difficulties in this complex situation and I appreciate the clarification. But one thing really stands out here….
I think anyone would take issue with having the troublemaker who has shattered lives get to lay down any rules whatsoever. In this country you have a right to speak to whomever you like, especially your children’s grandparents, unless a court of law found otherwise. I agree with the others that it is not a great idea, nor precedent, in letting the person who cannot support themselves nor see their children unsupervised, get to lay down any such (really, really) absurd “rules.” She is legally powerless, in every sense, and this “forbidding” something is obviously a way to try and have some perceived control when in actuality she has none. What on earth would or could she do anyway, if and when you spoke to them? Will she throw a fit, scream? She lives there by their permission, they are presumably her only means of support. I guess I just don’t understand that dynamic, it is so very far from normal. Her even thinking to do that is almost laughably juvenile. They are presumably feeding her and taking care of her and subsequently your children as well when they are there…as you are their primary caretaker it seems almost imperative you have a running dialogue with them! It just seems unsafe at some point to even trust that she would be truthful to them about you and vice versa. Especially in light of what she just pulled without consulting you.
I know it must be beyond painful to see the loved one who was a good partner and mother, metamorphosize into a virtual stranger. But giving that person power to make up rules that are detrimental to the boys’ upbringing … I just can’t see how that’s a good idea to placate her in this way. Again, wish you all the best, I can see every poster does too. It’s truly out of concern for your boys and you that we opine, thanks for being thick skinned when we get on our soapboxes, just trying to help.
I only have so much control and I have zero control over the decisions of others.
Believe me when I say it’s frustrating for me as well because it is. Right now, everyone’s walking in egg shells, which frankly, is bullshit but everyone’s got to survive.
I’m figuring things out but I can only do so much on my end.
I truly appreciate everyone’s concern and support. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I had an inkling this may have happened. I would offer Elliott a break from her. Just the stability of being with you constantly for 2-3 weeks may help him recover
I think restless is a good way to describe it. If I move downstairs with him, the change seems to help him go back to sleep…
Maybe see if he can articulate anything at Patti’s this week? I’d be looking for cognitive strategies to help him identify his worries and pack them away for the night. Have they been introduced to Lizze’s new boyfriend? He may need a bit of stability and time away from her.
Oh.. You missed that whole thing. Yeah, she decided to introduce them on Thanksgiving Day and used the word boyfriend. I had no clue this was happening until she ambushed me with it later on after the fact.
That’s definitely something that bothers Elliott but at this point, I don’t know if it’s just any one thing.
That was an absolute dick move on her part and should have been discussed with you first.
If this is going too far astray please don’t feel compelled to respond, but since this door has already been opened a bit above…
So Lizze has visitation which is required to be supervised by her parents, right? What is that supervision supposed to entail? I would assume that it is, in part, to protect your kids’ emotional well being. Introducing her boyfriend to your kids was more than just a “dick move” as so eloquently put above. It is irresponsible, selfish, and thoughtless at this point in time. If her visitation is supposed to be supervised, where was that supervision in this case? What training or guidance do Lizze’s parents get which qualifies them to supervise?
I don’t mean to pick on Lizze’s parents. Perhaps the parameters for supervision really haven’t been set. But this sort of seems like supervision in name only if they allow irresponsible choices like this to be made on their watch.
Again, I apologize if this has gone further than you want it to in this forum. Just letting you know you have readers who are trying to look out for you…
Look above for my response..
I am beyond being shocked anymore by her horrendous decision making. I don’t recall reading about this, we were traveling, I must have missed that particular post?
I cannot think of this in any way but for what it is: callous, selfish, egotistical, self serving, self obsessed, hurtful & confusing (to the kids), and against what any counselor or therapist, or anyone with common sense would ever recommend a person doing, even with neurotypical kids. Another “all about me and my life” move. No -as Kim rightly nails it, an absolute dick move.
Three fragile kids of her own whose mental health and well being she has callously disregarded, have to deal with THAT as well?! I almost wrote, “is she insane?” but realized, oh, wait…sigh. No wonder the kids are on an emotional roller coaster with sleep issues. She seems bound and determined that they continue to have issues as via her blog she always seemed to almost *want* to have illnesses, as the attention would be on her. ( Even her birthday blog wish to you turned into something all about her). Sorry, didn’t mean to dredge anything up, but I’m sure you can look back with a different view with reality glasses.
I didn’t mean to go on and on, I’m just sorry you and your children still seem to be almost hostages to her unbalanced thinking and self obsession. I know mental illness is not someone’s fault but there are just boundaries and lines you don’t cross. 🙁
I truly hope the kids can adapt, for your sake as well as theirs. Wishing you all well this holiday season.
Look above for my response. I answered everyone at the same time.