The next few weeks are going to be very difficult for me. I’m an emotional person and it’s not easy for me to let go of the things I truly love.
Milestone One
August 24th will be my 37th birthday and the first of three milestones.
I’ve celebrated every single one of my birthdays, since 2001, with my wife. Even if we couldn’t afford to really do anything special, we were still together and that was all I really needed.
This time however, I’ll be on my own and don’t really know what to do.
I don’t care how this makes me sound and truthfully, I don’t miss the person my wife has become. I do however, miss what I thought I had terribly.
Milestone Two
About a week after my birthday, I’ll reach the second milestone.
This one is going to be really, really difficult for me. On September 3rd, we will reach our 12th wedding anniversary. It’s doesn’t really mean anything anymore but God is it going to be a really tough day for me.
I’m really sentimental about things like that and I just want to make it through the day without being a blubbering mess. I don’t want to stress out my kids, so I’ll probably just try my best to bury my emotions but it’s not going to be easy..
Milestone Three
The third and final milestone for me will happen about a month and a half after the second.
October 14th will mark the one year anniversary that my wife chose to walk away and never look back. That’s going to be difficult because I’ll relive everything that I discovered and everything that I lost.
Again, I’m an emotional sentimentalist and things like the anniversary dates of both painful and joyous events are of great importance to me.
I feel like once I make it through these milestones, the things surrounding my divorce will be a little less painful. I’m so looking forward to that because I’m mourning someone that doesn’t exist anymore but I still have to see. I don’t know if that makes sense but I just needed to get this stuff out..
Take one minute at a time. Dreading it will drain your precious reserves. It’s good that you are aware of what you will probably be feeling, but don’t let the dread get a stronghold and turn into despair. Breathe in every ounce of love you share with your boys. Praying it will get you past this time.
Why are you going to bury yourself and hide it? It’s OK for the kids to see your human side.. And even more than that.. As boys… Knowing that having emotions is OK. When Jeff first left.. I was a blubbering mess for months. I’m not normally OK in the anniversaries either… But at least my daughter knows why.. And she can see me getting better and stronger with time and know that if it ever is her turn.. She’ll heal, or have the strength to walk away herself. He came back for a few months after our initial split.. And I was string enough to ask him to leave again.. I didn’t do it for me either.. I did it for my daughter. I would have taken it for another dozen years.. But SHE deserved to know that relationship wasn’t normal or OK .. Anyway.. I got off track.. Lol.. It’s OK to tell the boys you’re hurting.. Was my point.
I understand you completely. I too am an emotional person – I cry at good & bad. But I was just thinking this morning (why I don’t know) that if I was still married it would have been our 23rd year!! Although I hate the man & the whole “institution” of marriage why did I think of that just because it is the month of August! That’s also why I can’t “move on” & heal – I have to see & talk to this man 3-4 days a week!!!
I guess what I really hate is the fact that Lizzie left you when you were the one to save her from her abusive husband and take on her son with many issues. And this is how you get repaid, it really sucks for you 🙁