I'm really sorry I've been so distant lately. I know that I don't need to apologize but you folks have been closely following our story and when I get behind, I feel really bad.
Here's the thing. Right now we are experiencing a great deal of change. With a house full of Autism, that doesn't go over well.
Elliott and Emmett have been dealing with a revolving door of teachers the past couple of weeks, at least it seems that way. This has been really stressful on them and subsequently on the rest of us as well. I should add they the boys are doing awesome at school. They're just more challenging at home or impossible to get to school in the first place.
Gavin's the only one actually doing okay.
Lizze is a mess. I Love her to pieces but she's really struggling. She's really, really trying to push through all the shit she's dealing with but she's having a tough time.
We're trying to find this DBT therapy but aren't having much luck. There are insurance issues getting in the way, as well as logistical challenges. The other major issue is that her new psychiatrist at the Cleveland Clinic is unwilling to treat the depression until she is in DBT therapy. His reasoning makes sense but he going off the assumption that if he adjusts the non-working antidepressant she's currently on, she won't go to treatment.
I know he's basing this on experience but he doesn't know Lizze. She wants to get better and do what it takes to get there.
However, her depression and anxiety are so bad anymore that she's not leaving the house due in part to severe social anxiety. She's become a walking panic attack and her long time therapist is concerned that if we don't manage the depression, things are going to get much, much worse.
That really scares me because I'm not sure that I can even imagine what *much, much worse* could be like.
Her therapist is going to reach out to the psychiatrist at Cleveland and discuss this because Lizze needs the help now and she will of course do whatever she has to do to get her life back.
Right now, it's like every day she wakes up is the worst day of her life and no one deserves that. Yes, I know I got that from *Office Space *but it really holds true here.
As far as I go, I'm doing my best to hold everyone together. It's not easy and sometimes it doesn't even feel possible. I'm also starting this new job and that's taking up a large chunk of time. I work out of the house but trying to balance everything is quite challenging.
My responsibility is only going to grow from here.
It would be safe to say that I'm stretched pretty thin right now. I'm feeling burnt out and in need of a vacation. We've never, ever been on vacation. Lizze and I have been together for over 12 years and never even had a weekend to ourselves unless someone s in the hospital or something.
The last time even went camping was 20 years ago.
Change can sucks for a lot of people but when you have a family like mine, change is a straight up bitch........
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