This is a question that has popped up a few times in my short blogging career. To be completely honest, this is a very relative question, that perhaps requires us to define the term success in a new way.
Based on your definition of success, can your child with Autism ever be successful?
I’ve had a few discussions in the past because another Autism parent believed that his child on the spectrum would never be successful. This attitude was based on what I felt was a warped perception of what success was.
Everyone’s got the right to their own opinion but I have to wonder if situations like this, set up kids to fail….
This person defined success as achieving power, power and fame. Since his child would likely achieve neither, he would never be successful. I understand his logic but I lean towards his logic being horribly, horribly flawed.
How should we define success?
Is success flipping burgers and washing dishes for a living? Does being successful require a person to live on their own, independently? Can a person be successful if they never leave home or have to live in a group home environment?
I think how we as parents define success, can ultimately help or hinder our children’s ability to achieve their potential, at least in the eyes of their parents.
My purpose in writing this is to get you, my readers, to ask yourself this one question. How do I define success and based on that definition, can my kids ever be successful?
As always, please leave your comments below. We’re all about honesty and lack of judgment here, so no worries. 🙂
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AutismAdventure Meaghan1985 That is good advice if my family was normal, but I’m pretty sure there would be no benefit from family counseling with us. To begin with my parents got divorced a few years ago. (Thank god. When I found out, once I got over the shock, I was delighted.) And my mom is one of those types who, if you ever criticize her, will turn around and attack you, without even thinking about what you said she did wrong. And often she will go into a screaming rage on top of it all. It’s not as if she’s incapable of controlling herself: to paraphrase Rob, those aren’t meltdowns, they’re tantrums. I know this because she is able to keep a professional job, and if she acted the way at work like she acts at home, she would have been fired within a week.
I’m in counseling myself. My therapist is pretty sure my mom has a borderline personality. A lot of times we talk about her, basically how to get her out of my head, and stop being so angry at her because it doesn’t do any good at this point.
Meaghan1985 AutismAdventure I was undiagnosed with ADD. I realized it as an adult. My parents just didn’t know. I’m sorry your parents ignored the issues. Sometimes, we parents just don’t know what to do and it freezes us into inaction. They did miss a lot of high functioning kids back in the day. I can identify a few kids I went to school with who likely had autism. They even missed my kids as well. He did not get tested until he was almost 5 and he was in the system. They only ended up testing him because they couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. I sincerely hope that if your parents do love you, that your relationship can be restored. One thing I have learned is that most parents are doing the best they can and have their own issues they are dealing with. For example, if you have depression, it could be genetic and your mom may be depressed, even mildly. That can effect her ability to intervene. Its not an excuse! They should have found a way to intervene. It is just that sometimes there are reasons that can help us let go of anger. Maybe some family counseling could help if you are all willing. I hope you can forgive them and that they can become a good support to you at this point in your life. Of course, I don’t know your situation and maybe it is too far gone and they are just neglectful parents, but, I’d hate to think that you would have lost that support if you didn’t have to.
AutismAdventure No offense taken.
I am 27, and was not diagnosed with autism until I was an adult. Looking back at my childhood, the behaviors were pretty obvious, and I HOPE that, if I had been a child now when everyone knows a lot more about autism, that I would have gotten a diagnosis sooner. (I’ve also suffered from severe depression for most of my life, and it went untreated until I was 22.)
But I’m not convinced I would. My parents pretty much ignored and/or were blind to my difficulties. I know my school contacted them a few times about the things my teachers had observed that were obviously not normal, but my mom and dad just ignored it all. I’m actually pretty angry at them for that. If I had gotten in treatment sooner, I’d probably be higher functioning than I am now, and been spared a great deal of unnecessary suffering.
AutismAdventure No offense taken.
I am 27, and was not diagnosed with autism until I was an adult. Looking back at my childhood, the behaviors were pretty obvious, and I HOPE that, if I had been a child now when everyone knows a lot more about autism, that I would have gotten a diagnosis sooner.
But I’m not convinced I would. My parents pretty much ignored and/or were blind to my difficulties. I know my school contacted them a few times about the things my teachers had observed that were obviously not normal, but my mom and dad just ignored it all. I’m actually pretty angry at them for that. If I had gotten in treatment sooner, I’d probably be higher functioning than I am now, and been spared a great deal of unnecessary suffering.
kristin_welch BruceSallan 🙂
BruceSallan Lost_and_Tired what my masters degree will focus on when I get a job! ABA & hope to wok with kids with autism! 🙂
Meaghan1985 Sorry that sounded kind of snarky, I didn’t mean that at you, the article and some of the comments posted after it just irritated me.
Meaghan1985 That doctor doesn’t know what he is talking about and used no research. The research already showed that the increase in Autism was not due primarily to expanded diagnostic criteria but due to actual new cases. He doesn’t even seem to know what Autism really is. It isn’t brainy, socially awkward kids. It isn’t that easy to get a diagnosis. They don’t just throw them around at kids that don’t fit the norm.
Oh my, power, power and fame. Those have nothing to do with success. My husbands only definition of success is if our son is happy and loves God. I unfortunately have a more complicated definition. To me success is found in relationship and helping others. I have found that only other parents with children on the spectrum understand that I primarily send my child to school for socialization and that I would rather he grow up to flip burgers if it means he would be able to have close friendships, get married and have children.
This is OT, but I just found this Salon article you might be interested in: http://www.salon.com/2013/09/21/thats_not_autism_its_simply_a_brainy_introverted_boy/