I’m at my wits end right now and need to purge.  I’m just writing to try and calm down.  I’m already stressed out to the max and today has pushed me over the edge. 

If you have anything negative to say after reading what I’m about to share, please keep it to yourself. I’m literally purging because I need to calm down before the kids get home.

This is my reality. This is my life.  I’m not asking for anything and you certainly don’t have to read any further if you don’t want to. Most of you have found some meaning or inspiration in reading about our lives and our struggles.  While that always amazes me, it also feels good to know that something positive can come from our struggle.

What I’m sharing is the reality that I’m faced with at this moment.

You, as my reader, need to understand (I know that most of you do and I Thank You so much for that)that this is very a complex problem and as such, you can’t apply a simple solution. That’s simply not the way it works. 

For the record, if there was a solution, especially a simple one, it’d be done and over already.

My goal is to keep the window into our lives open so that you can take what you learn here and possibly apply it to a family, like mine, in your life.

With all that said….

I’ve found it best to sometimes just say what I need to say and go back later to clarify or further explain. The act of purging can provide a sense of peace and I could use a little peace about now.

I’m already struggling to cope with everything I’m trying to manage, that’s no secret.  I just haven’t shared how bad things have gotten. This is the reality as it stands right now.

We lost our natural gas almost 2 months ago. We’ve tried everything we can to get it turned back on. Unfortunately, nothing has helped. We haven’t found any agencies that can help and we’ve tried all we can find.  The Gas company admits to making a mistake or rather several and have acknowledged that we did everything we were told to do.

However, we were misinformed and at the end of the day, we owe them the money anyway.  The end result is an amount, larger than we can come up with, just to get it turned back on. It’s just hasn’t been possible.

We manage to work around it but this weighs very, very heavy on me.

Last week it was the electric company out to shut us off at the meter and we managed to get a medical certificate to keep things on for another month.  Super grateful for that one.  Still a weight around my neck because I know it temporary.

We’re in the same boat with our van as well.  You know the van we had to buy because our last one was stolen while I was standing ten feet away, all while the boys watched.

That was something we couldn’t afford to do but didn’t have a choice and now we’re close to losing that as well.

Yes it’s heavy. Yes it’s depressing.  Yes, I know I need to do better. Yes, I’m doing the very best that I can. I know that many of you out there can understand.

That’s just the big stuff. We lost our Internet last week and the cell phones will be next.  We don’t have anything else as we’ve already scaled back as much as possible. 

We’ve managed to save our house and will be saving every month on our mortgage/rent payment.  That’s a huge victory and one that can’t be understated.

It also brings up what’s got Lizze, myself and the boys freaking out right now.  That will be a 2nd post later today.  This is a lot to digest already and it’s a bit lengthy.  That happens when I’m venting.  Please bare with me as the 2nd post will be up very soon.

Everyone is okay….

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