I ended up at Dr.  Patti’s tonight all by myself.  Elliott was at my parents house, helping my Dad.  Lizze and Emmett were both home not feeling well. So, as I said, I ended up at Dr. Patti’s by my lonesome.

Truthfully, it’s sometimes nice to go without the boys because, it’s easy to talk about what we need to take about, without the distraction.

Tonight, I spent most of the time, talking about Gavin. 

Lately, I’m pretty consumed with everything going on with Gavin.  I’m worried. I’m scared. I’m frustrated. I’m angry.  Truthfully, I’m a whole lot of things.

I’m worried because he’s not doing well.

I’m scared because I feel like we’re losing him.

I’m frustrated because no one can see to figure out what we need to be doing.

I’m angry because he’s in this situation in the first place.

Talking to Dr. Patti always makes me feel a little bit better.  She knows our family better than just about anyone else and that’s really important to us.

We spoke tonight about how this whole situation is impossible.  I don’t like to use that word lightly but this is an impossible situation. Here’s one reason why.

Because of Gavin’s mental health, he can’t live with us and the best place for him right now is his Grandparents.  Because of his physical health, the best place for him is at home but because of the mental health issues, he can’t be here.  That’s probably really confusing and sounded better in my head.

Basically, if you divide Gavin into two areas of concern, you have his mental health (which is a disaster in and of itself) and you have his physical health.

The mental health interferes with him getting help for his physical health and his physical health interferes with him getting help for his mental health.

It’s a vicious, never ending, nightmarish cycle, that’s had us chasing our tails for the better part of as long as I can remember. It’s sorta like being told to keep your arms and legs inside the ride, until you come to a complete and final stop, only the ride never stops.

Dr. Patti and I discussed how there are no good solutions for this. 

The sad reality is that our situation with Gavin is so unique, that no one knows how to help us.  We’ve knocked on so many doors our knuckles are bloody and bruised.

The only thing that we ever seem to find is an absence of answers and a surplus of more questions. Quite frankly, I’m sooooo tired of not finding answers to even the most basic things. I need answers in the worst possible way.  Gavin in needs answers in the worst possible way.. The Lost and Tired family as a whole, needs answers in the worst possible way.

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