I realize that this post is unnecessary because I don't really have anything to prove to anyone. Having said that, in the event that Gavin does read this Blogger at some point, I want to make a few things very clear.
Lizze and I love Gavin very, very much. For the first 10 years of his life, we did everything we possibly could for him and still do to this day.
Things however, have changed because Gavin's behaviors present unique problems within our household. Having said that, we view Gavin and his behaviors as two separate things.
It's not Gavin's fault that any of these things are a part of his life.
I've prayed countless times to take his burden away and carry it myself. Unfortunately, I can't do that. To make matters even more complicated, the behaviors associated with his conditions have worsened and treated the safety and wellbeing of everyone in the house.
While we don't blame Gavin for being the way he is, we can't ignore the impact his behaviors have on everyone in our house.
The unfortunate reality is that while we see Gavin separate from his conditions, we can't separate him from his behaviors and the devastating impact they have.
At present here is the current list of health and mental health issues Gavin struggles with on a daily basis:
Mental Health Challenges:
ADHD Aspergers Bipolar disorder Schizoaffective disorder Oppositional defiance Reactive attachment disorder OCD PICA
Physical Health Challenges:
Asthma Epilepsy Reflux Common variable primary immunodeficiency Autonomic disfunction/crisis Neurological and muscular regression Cognitive regression
Does that mean we don't love him? Absolutely not. If we didn't love him, we wouldn't be struggling with everything surrounding this situation. If we didn't love him, we wouldn't be trying to find him whatever help we can find, even if that help is in the form of residential care. If we didn't love him, we wouldn't be pursuing every possible avenue, in order to help him have the brightest future possible.
Gavin is more than just his behavioral problems. He's a brilliant writer and a gifted artist, both skills we are trying our best to encourage and foster.
Gavin is very creative and can build just about anything out of Legos. He's very intelligent and an "A" student.
He's capable of doing very nice things for people and he never, ever complains about the hand, life has dealt him.
I'm very proud of him and all he's accomplished.
For anyone to claim anything otherwise, simply doesn't have a grasp on the unique and challenging situation my family is trying to survive.
As much as we love Gavin, his behaviors are such that he simply can't coexist with the rest of us anymore. Despite our every effort to manage the situation, Gavin had to be removed from the home and placed into his Grandparents care.
This was not a decision we took on lightly. In fact, we sought advice from every doctor and specialist that has been working with our family and had intimate, first hand knowledge of our situation. We spoke with our family and debated every other possibility before deciding to move him out.
While removing Gavin from our home hasn't fixed anything for him or us, it has helped us to get our footing and him to be happier.
Gavin does much better in am environment with as little emotional expectations as possible. He doesn't bond with anyone and so he is never really attached to any particular person or place.
However, he's very happy at his grandparents house and does much better in the 1 on 1 environment. That is the nature of reactive attachment disorder.
I know that I shouldn't let what thoughtless say bother me and I usually don't. However, sometime a person's thoughtlessness can cross a line and I feel compelled to defend my position and our decisions. I know that I do think have to don't his but to be really honest with you, I doubt myself at times and I need to remind myself where I stand and why.
When I started this blog over 2 years ago, I wasn't writing these things for anyone to read. I was writing as a means of self-preservation. I need to unload my feelings in a constructive manner. I never intended for anyone to actually read this stuff.
I now have an amazing group of readers from all over the world. This blog has brought me in contact with so many amazing people. I've met countless parents and families, as well as many people on the Autism spectrum themselves.
I value everyone's opinions and welcome your input.
I'm bound to come across a few people along the way that just have nothing positive to contribute and so they try to bring me down. Sometimes they're even successful, to an extent.
All of can really say is that I try to roll with the punches. However, sometimes those punches hit below the belt, like the comment that inspired the post in particular.
Look, the truth of the matter is this. My family has found ourselves in a situation, with no good options. We have to pick the *best worst option* and try to move forward. It's not easy and I would wish this on anyone because this is truly torture.
I'll leave you with this final statement and you can do with it what you will.
If we didn't love Gavin, our hearts wouldn't be broken right now.
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