I haven’t mentioned this before because,honestly,  I was trying to pretend that this hadn’t happened.  Unfortunately,  it’s continuing to come up and so I had to address it,  regardless of my reservations.

There are some things that I never wanted to ever hear come out of my child’s mouth.  Sometimes, things just don’t go as planned.   Instead, at times,  it prefers to dictate the direction I will be taking. I can usually cope with these times pretty well. However,  when life throws curveballs at my kids,  I don’t always cope well.

About two months ago, Elliott came to me and told me that he’s seeing things. I asked him what he meant because I was hoping we weren’t going in the direction Gavin has gone. 

Gavin suffers from schizoaffective disorder and so he sees and hears things that aren’t real.

While he’s telling me about this,  I’m trying not vomit, as this is one of my worst fears.  I can’t imagine or rather don’t want to imagine,  this being the case. He has come to me a few times now complaining about seeing scary things outside his window or climbing his wall.

The tough thing about this,  aside from the obvious,  is that Elliott is almost using the exact words Gavin has used many times in the past. Basically,  at this point I don’t know of this actually happening or if this has been influenced by Gavin’s behaviors.  Elliott models Gavin’s behaviors very often. This makes it hard to know where Elliott starts and Gavin ends. 

Does that make any sense?

For right now,  the plan is to downplay these events,  so as not to add any weight to them.  We see Dr. Pattie on Tuesday and this will be the topic the day.

This morning,  Elliott came up to me and said the following: “Daddy,  I think I need new medicine because I’m still seeing. Gavin things”.  I told him that everything would be okay and that we will talk to Dr.  Pattie about this next week.

That was satisfactory for him and we moved on with our morning.

Dear God,  if your up there,  please let this end up being modeled behavior and not signs of something much worse.  Either way, give me the strength to handle whatever it may be……

**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

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