Do you ever feel like a complete failure? I mean, everything can't go right all the time but to have everything go wrong....
This is one of my really honest posts where I'm just sorta spilling my guts. I say what I need to say, so that I can hopefully be able to walk away from it when I'm done and feel a bit lighter.
It's no secret that things could be going better for the *Lost and Tired *family.
What I don't often share is how that makes me feel. To put it bluntly, I feel like a complete failure, as both a father and a husband.
Maybe it's the fact that I missed a few days of antidepressants while I was sick or maybe it's the reality of life slapping me in the face. Either way, I'm feeling pretty low right now.
I want so much better for my family then what I'm doing.
We're in a bad neighborhood, my kids can't play outside and our goddamm van was stolen in broad daylight, right in front of us. As badly as we need to move, now we have to buy a new van or rather a replacement.
We have 3 days left on the rental and I have no idea what we are going to do.
At least half of what we get for the settlement is going to pay off the repairs we had to have done right before Christmas.
I've been trying to remain as positive as possible but I don't know if I can do it anymore.
I'll tell you something about my wife and kids, they never complain. They are all worried but they don't complain..ever. In some weird way, that almost makes it worse because it's like they are content with what little I have been able to do.
I asked the boys today if they were happy and they said they were. The problem is that I know how much better I need to be doing and they just don't understand the difference.
I still have to get school figured out for Emmett John and get Elliott in to OT ASAP.
Gavin needs to get into to see the mitochondrial doctor at Akron Children's Hospital but we are having trouble getting all the records transferred.
Lizze needs to get into the Cleveland Clinic as well for better treatment options.
I'm simply, completely and utterly overwhelmed with every single aspect of my life right now.
I really need to remember to take my Paxil tonight.
Alright, I'm done venting. I appreciate you all listening. I just needed to get that out. I'm not looking for anything. I just needed to get that off my chest. My stomach was getting upset and I don't want to get sick again because I'm so upset that I relapse.
Thank you all for listening...
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