Gavin told me something yesterday,  that had gotten kinda lost in light of all the running around we had to do.
While on the way home from school and on the way to therapy,  he informed me that he’s having scary thoughts at school now. 

What does scary thoughts mean?  That’s a very good question.  Honestly,  no one really knows for sure.  However,  the common assertion amongst all the specialists is that scary thoughts is Gavin’s way of describing hallucinations.

Gavin,  while extremely intelligent,  lacks the ability to articulate much of what he experiences.  Scary thoughts is the best way he can describe what he’s experiencing.

The problem with not knowing for sure what he means is just that,  not knowing for sure what he means. 

It’s so difficult when you are dealing with a child as complex as Gavin because their just isn’t alot we know with absolute certainty. Despite Gavin’s best attempts to explain what he’s experiencing,  he just can’t do so in a manner the really helps to clarify anything.  The only thing we know for sure,  is that he is experiencing something that is very upsetting to him. 

As his father,  it’s frustrating and heartbreaking,  to not be able to know for sure what is going on.  We do know that the medications are helping.  However,  when he tells us about the scary thoughts we are left to wonder whether of not his meds are still working.

We have to then,  meet with the doctors and based on what we do know,  make a decision as to how to address this situation,  if at all. 

We get torn between wanting to provide him relief and not wanting to further medicate him. 
This is never easy….

– Lost and Tired

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