I have been reciting the Serenity Prayer to myself all morning as Gavin is in rare form today. He's not misbehaving or anything like that but he's talking about random things in a nonstop manner.
As terrible as this sounds (and I know it sounds terrible) Gavin is basically *think to breathe* anymore. I don't know how else to describe it. I think Lizze said it best the other day. She said, "Gavin is chronologically 11 years old and emotionally 3 or 4 years old. It used to be that It used to be that Gavin would mostly act 11 and sometimes act 3 or 4. Anymore however, Gavin is mostly 3 or 4 and only sometimes acts like he's 11.". Does that make any sense?
At the risk of sounding like a terrible father, especially in light of what's going on, he's driving me crazy. He won't stop talking and I can hardly unslderstand what he's saying because his speech has regressed so much.
I know it's frustrating for him as well and all things considered he's handling everything quite well.
I'm tired and overwhelmed and his behavior, although not his fault, is pushing me over the edge. We have to figure something out. I think we are going to have to start putting the signs back up around the house.
We used to have signs with directions for certain tasks ect.
We had slowly done away with them as they were less and less necessary and we were trying to work on him remembering how to do some of these things on his own. However, over time he has begun struggling in more and more areas, so we will have to devise a new system that will foster independence while at the same time remind him what needs to be done.
I'm feeling incredibly guilty for being frustrated with him even though I know that it's okay to feel what I feel. However, as a father, it still makes me feel guilty.
Once again I find myself saying, "God grant me the........"
- Lost and Tired
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