Today has just been a bad day. Everyone sees to be on edge. As Christmas gets closer everyone gets more and more anxious. I can’t get anyone to listen or follow basic direction. If I had any hair left I would be riping it out.

We need a break in the worst way. We need a chance to decompress and unwind. Honestly, we haven’t had a night without the kids (with the exception of Lizze having surgery eariler this year) and that really wasn’t a break. We were at the hospital by like 5am and the night was a rough one. Lizze and I are at our wits end. There really is no way to discribe all the ways I am exhausted.

This week alone we have been to Akron Children’s Hospital 3 times. We drove 200 miles this week to doctors appointments. The boys had 2 therapy appointments and tomorrow morning will make the 4th time the van has been in the shop. The engine needs torn apart again to find the problem. Monday night I had to get a new windshield put in because ours had broken into 4 pieces and rattled while we drove. The people that fixed the windshield did a great job accept for the fact they reinstalled the rear view mirror to low and now I can’t see out the back window. So it’s back to the shop Friday.

This has all been very costly, financially, emotionally and physically. I have nothing left and I’m in a much better place then Lizze is. She is completely depleted and getting worse as a result of all the stress. So yes we need a break and I don’t see it happening any time soon. The kids are our responsibility and no one else’s but most people can’t even imagine stepping into our shoes for even a day. One of the kids doctors was telling me this week that we are used a teaching tool for other doctors. I don’t know if that’s good or just plain sad. We gave permission along time ago for things like that but still.

It’s really hard to find a bright side here. I know tomorrow is going to be tougher then today. The scarey part is that I barely survived today.