Ok. I can't believe I'm sharing this but maybe someone will benefit from my story. If not I'm sharing anyway. I have been explaining just how tough things have been and how they just keep getting worse. One of the positive things that has happened for Emmett is the early interventionists that have become involved. That said, here's my honesty for today.
We weren't able to go to Thanksgiving today because Gavin wouldn't do well. It's not about what my family would think because they all understand but honestly dealing with the aftermath is just to much. He would be overstimulated for days. So we made the decision to send Elliott with my dad so he could have some "normal" time and get away from the chaos. That was bitter sweet because I wish we could have all been together. However it was best for him to get away.
I mentioned Emmett's interventionists because they made arrangements to have Thankgiving dinner brought to our house today. It was really nice of them to do that and I guess we knew it was coming. At the risk of sounding ungrateful (because I am truly grateful) it was a very difficult experience. Around 2pm this afternoon a family in a really nice car pulls up and and an entire family gets out of the car and knocks on my door. I open it and they step in to give us what they were sent to deliver. Each of the kids handed me a bag.
They were very nice but honestly it was very uncomfortable. I felt humiliated, embarrassed, humbled and inadequate all at the same time. I just makes me realize how poorly we are actually doing. If I'm to be completely honest, I feel like a failure. Like because I'm not doing better by my wife and kids someone else has to step in and fix things. Does that make sense? I want so badly to be self-reliant but all my time is consumed with physically caring for my wife and kids. I just wish I could be the one to provide these things but I guess I can only do so much, right. Even if that were true it doesn't make me feel any better. My family deserves so much better.
I don't mean to come across in a negative manner because I'm very grateful. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.
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