Autism affects all families it touches. Blended families are especially affected. As you know I adopted Gavin he is not mu biological son. I want to be very clear that I’m not necessarily proud of how I feel but it is my reality so here it goes.
Right now I am having a really hard time with Gavin because he is having such a negative impact on his younger brothers. I know it’s not always his fault but it impacts regardless of intentions. I have given Gavin the last 10 years of my life and now it has become apparent that the 2 youngest desperately need a reprieve from all of this. That will never happen with Gavin struggling the way he is right now.
Go ahead and get out your torch and pitch forks because I feel like I have to choose between my kids and I’m choosing EJ and ER. No one seems to understand how I feel. When ever I bring it up people look at me like I’m some kind of monster for feeling that way. Look, I love Gavin. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have gone through everything I did for him. However, the moment ER and EJ were born I began to feel the difference. There is a very deep biological connection between me and the boys. That connection simply doesn’t exist with Gavin. This shouldn’t be confused with lack of love because that is not the case. It’s just different, that’s all.
Gavin’s behaviors have become a threat to the health,safety and wellbeing of everyone in the house. Something has to give.
First off… as a child from a blended family – I commend you for the way you have fought for Gavin over the past 10 years. I know that it has been a rocky road to go, but you did it when you didn't have to. And anyone who wants to fault you for it – send them my way.
Second of all… how do you know that if Gavin was "yours" (biologically speaking) you wouldn't be faced with the very same feelings? I'm sure although Lizze doesn't talk about it publicly she is in a very similar (although not the same) place as you. No parent wants to ever EVER have to chose the needs of one of the needs of all, unfortunately it happens.
Both of you know I love ALL of you – unconditionally. I, as much as any of you, don't want to see Gavin somewhere else. HOWEVER that being said, if a psychological hold at Akrons is what it will take to find HIM some peace as well as the boys (which by proxy would be the two of you) then I am for it. I know it would/will be rough, but I honestly believe that if that's what it takes – it would be the safest, healthiest choice FOR ALL of you. I know I generally take the middle of the road and am just hear to listen when ever you guys need it – but your post is full of honesty (and I commend you for being able to own, and put your feelings out there – I know how rough that can be!!) so I feel that I owe you (both) nothing less then my honesty as well.
No matter where this road takes any of you, I feel privledged that you allow me a seat on the perverbial rollercoaster when all I have to offer is a virtual shoulder.