Anymore I feel like my ability to function has been reduced to such an extreme that I'm useless to everyone. My life has become so overwhelming that it literally feels like I'm suffocating. While we aren't perfect parents every one of the doctors say we are doing everything right. It can be quiet demoralizing to do everything right but still not be able to help your kids. No matter what we do for Gavin it doesn't seem to make a difference.
The amount of things we are facing is so daunting that I don't even know where to begin. I know the 105F + heat right now probably plays a roll in this. We don't have central air so the second floor is literally like walking into a sauna. The first floor is good because of the window AC and the fact that heat rises.
I guess I'm at a point where I look at everything that's going on with Lizze's health, ER's anxiety, EJ's everything and Gavin's laundry list of issues from hearing voices to eating anything non-edible he can find and realize that no matter what I seem to do nothing helps. The feeling of being a failure creeps up again and again. I know many of you out there know what I talking about. No matter how unrealistic it is you feel you should be able to make everything better. I think every parent experiences that.
I try to look bad at previous posts in order to see how far we have come but honestly that can be pretty depressing because many times we find ourselves worse off then we were before. Sometimes I need a change of perspective but that can be hard to find anymore. I will say that I am so grateful for the blog and all of my readers because you have all been a source of inspiration and support. I love being able to do posts like this and not be judged. It really is therapeutic to be able to write down all of these feelings and leave them here.
There's no easy button for what I have going on but I wish that sometimes I had a "Possible" button.
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