This past few days has been very tough. The emotional expenses we have paid out were more then we had to give. There has been a great deal of uncertainty in our lives over the last decade and it has taken its toll. I want so badly to move forward but I just don’t know how to.

There are so many things that are up in the air right now with EJ, ER, Gavin and Lizze it seems impossible to just relax. I think that we need a change. I haven’t figured out what that change is but I know we desperately need it. I really think we need a clean start, the kids need a clean start.

I have been telling Lizze for years that sometimes I just want to move somewhere far away where no one knows us and start over. We could re-claim our lives and take back all the control that has been taken from us over the years. I know the kids could do w/o all the stress and pressure we are all under right now.

I need to figure something out. I need to figure out how to move forward. I want to put the events and people causing us pain behind us and leave them there. They don’t deserve to have us give them a single thought anymore. The cost of everything has been very high both emotionally and physically.

I have to figure out what that first step needs to be. I have to figure out what direction we need to go.

LT