Hey Rob, it's their loss anyway. There's a lot about wordpress that I don't get.I got your msg regarding my last blog. I should clarify that I have several moments where I do lose hope. Its always when Matt destroys something in his rage or hurts me. I get depressed for a good part of the day. I envison the worst, like him killing me. (these things I am not yet ready to post on my blog. Maybe later on)I often lose hope, then I find it, then I lose it, and find it again. I often find it when Matt has his semi-rare moments of calmness….or when he's not here. Matthew has the best teacher in the world and its her who is always tells me this:"When you are in the midsts of all this stress where there is constant worry and chaos, it is very hard to keep the eye on the prize and that is ok. Its very hard to look at any positives because the negative behaviors are so serious. Don't feel guilty about feeling this loss of hope for Matthew. Those of us on the outside can see a lot of hope because we are not in the daily struggles you are. We have hope for you"I am always enlightened and inspired when she tells me this. I need other people to remind me of his potential without making me feel guilty because I can't focus on any positive things about him at the moment. His teacher does that for me, without the guilt. So, don't feel guilty about losing hope. It doesn't mean you are giving up. Not even close.