Its been a bit since I posted but I have just been to tired and overwhelmed. Things are about as bad as they have been. Gavin is manic and we can't get in to see his doctor till march. As a result the stress level is through the roof. He picked up a full 5 gallon water jug and tried to hurl it yesterday. He was mad because we caught him lying to us.

Lizze is really struggling with her fibro and everything that goes along with that. Pain management has doubled all of her meds so she is extremely sleepy all the time and impossible to wake up. But she is in so much pain all the time it's very difficult to watch her move around because you can see how much pain she is in. She really should be on disability we just haven't pursued it yet. It would make her treatment a lot easier. She was diagnosed by one of the top doctors in the country after exhaustive testing.

We spend most of our time at home. I really wish we had more physical help from my family. I wish my family would seek to spend time with our kids without me having to ask. No one lives more then 10 mins away. I know some are in grad school which so its understandable but not everyone is. Some do what they can but the reality is that it's not enough. We are so beaten down and have nothing left to give.

We get very little sleep because Emmett John is still adjusting to not being able to hear. Elliott Richard is waiting for school to start as soon as there is an opening for his age. He needs a better example then Gavin for social interaction. I hate the idea of him going to school because he is growing up so fast but he needs this and so it's important.

I wish I could be more confidant about our future. It's hard to see the positives in light of all the negatives. My back is in the worse shape its been in since I got hurt almost 10 years ago on a call as a fire medic. I don't know what the future holds but it doesn't feel like its going to be very good.

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