A long overdue emotional exhale

I feel like my day started off amazingly well and then it slowly, methodically descended into chaos as the day went on. I managed to get some work done but not enough and that's really frustrating me. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and in the process of figuring out how to go about building a new life. Emmett is struggling because he apparently was under the impression the divorce had been finalized for a long time. When it discovered that it wasn't going to be finalized until yesterday, it really upset him. I didn't know he had misunderstood the situation for so long and I'm not sure what lead to the confusion. Unfortunately, he now feels like the whole thing has been reopened. He's on a hair trigger right now and it's…

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Why I don’t believe time heals all wounds

Yesterday was honestly one of the hardest days of my life but I survived. My marriage of nearly two decades officially came to an end, oddly enough, with the same words that it began with, I do. Our court hearing took place over the phone, at my attorney's office. It's kinda weird doing something like this over the phone but COVID has changed a great many things on our daily lives. The whole process took only a few minutes and it basically ended with the Lizze and I each being asked if we wanted to the court to adopt our agreement. I hadn't recognized the irony of answering that question with I do until 24 hours later, as I was writing this. The question was asked something like this. Robert,…

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Helping my adult #autistic son find independence

Gavin is bound and determined to move out. Until recently, I hadn't really considered that to be an option but this is what he wants. As his parent, I want him to reach whatever level of independence he can achieve. With that in mind, I'm getting the ball rolling on this. The process is likely to take awhile and that's okay because I wouldn't do anything before COVID is resolved and it's safe for Gavin to pursue. I'm going to be preoccupied this week so I don't envision making any serious progress. I wanted to outline my current plan but keep in mind this is subject to change. I expect that we have a full year, at the very least, before we can really do anything. I want to make…

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I’m struggling a bit tonight

I'm getting divorced on Tuesday morning and there are a few things Lizze wanted from the house. It was kinda like a scavanger hunt because I couldn't find some of these things at first. After a few phones calls back and forth, I managed to locate most of what she was looking for. There are some items in the attic but they're staying there until I gut it, hopefully this spring. Anyway, I emptied my closet completely for the first time since she left and I came across quite a few memories that hurt to remember. They would otherwise be positive memories, and perhaps with time, someday they will be again. Everything is collected into about four or five boxes and they're just sitting in my room, waiting to be…

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My life will forever change next week but I’m going to be okay

I realized this morning that my marriage will officially be over in a week. I'm sure it will be the main topic in therapy this week. This whole thing is a mixed bag for me because letting go of something that was so important to me is incredibly difficult. There's a roller coaster of emotions surrounding this and as I'm laying here on the couch, listening to my kids kids playing upstairs, I'm getting emotional. I've been talking to my therapist about this a lot and last week, she was pretty blunt with me. She's a little concerned that while I may be doing okay right now, next Tuesday could be a very different story. I'm managing my depression as well as can be expected under all these insane conditions.…

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Teachable moments can be so f*cking exhausting

I'm really frustrated with one Mr. Gavin today.  He can be so difficult to coexist with sometimes because he basically lives in his own world and the rest of us are just along for the ride. It can be very challenging to get Gavin on the same page as everyone else. He might say that he gets it but in reality, he knows that what he's supposed to say and he probably still doesn't get it on any meaningful level. He made so much amazing progress and has improved in many areas. I'm very proud of him but there are still things we need to work on. Last night, he and Elliott got into it because Gavin said something about Elliott being in a bad mood. Elliott wasn't actually in…

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Huge thank you to my friends at the Stark County Health Department and here’s why

It's been kind of a whirlwind day in The Autism Dad household. I had 2 interviews scheduled this afternoon and ended up having to reschedule one of them for a later date. I hate inconveniencing my guests but it was unavoidable. Eariler this week, I received the callback I had been waiting for in regards to Gavin's first dose of the COVID vaccine. He was scheduled for 3:40pm this afternoon. That sorta turned our day upside down because not only did it mean breaking quarantine, but we'd be going somewhere with a lot of other people. It was a calculated risk and one that we couldn't avoid. I was able to get my first interview done before shutting down and making sure Gavin was ready to go. He was so…

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Fantastic news

In the spirit of trying to get back into writing more, I wanted to share some positive news tonight. First and foremost, the best thing that happened today is that Gavin's IVIG Infusion went well. I think that he will probably feel little more confident on Monday and perhaps he'll be able to get through his infusion a bit easier. Great job Gavin. In other Gavin news, his birthday present that wasn't supposed to arrive until next month, showed up today. He was super excited and now he only has one more item currently in shipping. It's something for him to look forward to. Elliott and Emmett are both caught up and current in regards to school. That's so amazing and I'm so proud of them. I know how difficult…

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