How many times can one father’s heart break? Too many. The answer is too many. 

I don't feel really positive right now and that bothers me.  Unfortunately, the reality is that sometimes life just sucks. Life is unfair and cruel at times and it feels like Gavin has had a disproportionate amount come his way. Gavin's still hallucinating and frankly, things are getting worse. He's becoming very preoccupied with his visibly challenged group of super best friends and is spending less time in the reality that the rest of us live in. His friends are always coming with him now and he's involving them in his decision making. This morning he drew a picture of Twilight Sparkle's Midnight form. Twilight Sparkle is one of his visibly challenged super best friends. Before he drew her in this particular form (seen below), he told me that he…

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A smidgen of #Autism Parenting insight

I was blessed enough to be able to take a nap this morning.  I needed a break from Gavin's talking.  I don't know if that will make sense to people who've not experienced it but I know our family gets how overwhelming and exhausting it is to listen to him nonstop.  Anyway, I feel refreshed after my nap and my patience has been somewhat replenished for now.  I'm going to do my best to be an understanding and patient parent for the rest of the day... We'll have to see... lol

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I don’t know how much more I can take right now

The boys got off to school okay this morning.  Emmett's sporting his new crocs and at least for now, all is well.   That's the good news.  In the world of bad news, Gavin's driving me crazy.   Maybe I'm just grumpy or lacking in the area of patience today but Gavin's incessant talking is really getting to me.  This kid will not shut up and I can't escape it. .  What I wouldn't give for a few moments of peace and quiet.  I don't know what's going on with him today but if I didn't know better, I'd say he's manic.  I suppose that makes sense, considering his emotional state recently.  My head hurts and I'm not Coping with this very well today.  I just need a short nap…

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Massive meltdown over shoes and socks

Here's what happened this morning in regards to Emmett's shoes and socks.  For simplicity, I'm going to refer to it as World War III because that's what it felt like.   Emmett went from excited about going to school to massively melting down over shoes and socks.   I had him in a pair of socks and sandals for a little while and then all of a sudden, he freaked out because they started to feel funny.  The meltdown lasted over 30 minutes and was sprinkled with I won't go to school and I'm so sorry my feet feel funny.  It's as heartbreaking as it is frustrating.  Once we had reached the 15 minutes late mark, we had no choice but to carry him to the car with a few…

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I’m 38 years old today and I’m choosing to embrace it

For those who don't know, I turned 38 years old today. To be really honest with you, I'm handling it better than I thought I would. I'm creeping closer and closer to 40 years of age and I thought I would be freaking out about that but I haven't been. Truthfully, I'm not sure why I'm not stressing out like so many people do but I suppose age doesn't bother me that much. I really try to not let my age dictate my demeanor. After more than a decade of being an Autism parent, I've learned to not take life so seriously, maintain a sense of humor and always remain a kid at heart. At the end of the day, age is just an indication of life experience and not…

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This is one of the hardest things I’ve had to witness and as a father it breaks my heart 

I really struggled with whether or not to share this video with the world. In the end, I decided that there's nothing that would be embarrassing for Gavin because to him, all of this is as real as the nose on your face.  He's not ashamed, nor should he be. In fact, watching this, I'm in awe of just how well he does manage these two separate lives.   My hope is that this will help put into perspective, what Gavin's living with.   The video you are about to see is five minutes in length and has no sound.  It's safe for work and it simply shows what it looks like for Gavin to go on one of his missions.  This is what it's like to watch Gavin battles evil…

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School starts tomorrow morning and I’m not sure how it’s going to go

The boys start school tomorrow and not only are we not totally ready but I have no idea what we're going to do for Emmett as far as shoes and socks are concerned.   Just talking about it with him and Dr. Pattie tonight, had him in a panic and teetering on a meltdown.   The boys have clothes for tomorrow but I don't know what Emmett's going to wear on his feet.  At this point, we don't even have a plan.  My hope is that between the excitement of him returning to school and brushing his feet, everything will be alright.  Assuming we get the boys off to school, Lizze and I are going to start our daily walks. I'm really looking forward to that.   It's one of…

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