I don't normally vent in a manner this uncensored but I'm fucking pissed. If I have any hope of sleeping tonight I need to purge just a little bit.  We had an appointment with the boys psychiatrist tonight. Actually, we were supposed to have a appointment.   For the most part, Elliott and Emmett were just med checks, so it's not a huge deal for them.  In regards to Gavin though, it's an entirely different situation.   We needed this appointment for him because of everything he has going on right now.  Unfortunately, we ended up leaving without being seen.   Our appointment was at 6pm and we were there by fifteen minutes till.   Reception was already shutdown and there was no office staff present to sign us in…

While this morning was a rough one, the boys pulled it together and got to school on time.  Most importantly though, they went to school with a smile on their face.   I hate sending the boys anywhere against their will because I never know how it will impact them but when they have a smile on their face, I know things will at least be a little bit okay.   In a little bit, I have to actually go pick them up and bring them home because it's that time of day already.   Today's flown by way too fast. 

Everyone is ready for school and I have a few minutes to kill before I need to leave.   The boys are in rare form this morning.   Elliott is bouncing off the walls hyper and Emmett is full of meltdowns. They're  like polar opposites this morning and it's been very difficult to get any level of cooperation.  The only reason we have time to kill is because Lizze was up really early and got a jumpstart on the day. Thank God for that because the way these guys are going, we'd never have made it on time.  

So often parents of kids with Autism or Special Needs suffer in silence. We don't always ask for help or tell people the truth about how we're really feeling, if we're ever asked. As I'm trying to help people understand what parents like myself go through on a daily basis, I'm going to share what's keeping me awake tonight. These are my innermost thoughts that only myself and my wife are ever really aware of.  I rarely talk about this stuff anymore because they aren't things that I'm proud of and frankly, I don't always have the courage to share this stuff publicly. As I'm laying in bed tonight, I'm overwhelmed by fear, self-doubt and feelings of utter failure. I feel like I'm failing my kids for a million reasons…