My experience with Wishes Can Happen this morning was quite profound. I'm completely emotionally drained and physically exhausted. At the same time, it was for a very worthwhile and and well worth the fallout. I'm not sure if people understand how difficult it can be to talk about one of the most horrible thing any parent can imagine, a child with a life-threatening or terminal illness. There are times that I'm able to live in a bubble and pretend that we are a normal family. I hate the word normal but in this case, I mean a family who's child isn't facing a life or death illness, with no hope for a cure. This bubble I sometimes retreat to is born out of necessity. It's purpose is to help me…

As far as days go, it's been a rough one. I'll talk more about it in the morning, after I do my interview thing for Wishes Can Happen. I really need some things to start going our way. It's pretty easy to feel defeated right now and I'm trying not to let everything weigh on me but it's so much easier said than done. Ive been battling with Spectrum all day, Gavin's IVIG infusion supplies didn't show up yet and we're out of supplies. That means we have nothing with which to perform Gavin's infusion today. Anyway, I need this day to end so I can wipe the slate and hopefully start off on a better foot. I'm overwhelmed, exhausted and need to sleep cause I have to get up…

Plans have changes a for the rest of the week. Nothing significant but it's still a change nonetheless and guess who doesn't like change in this house? That's right, everyone but me. I had prepared the kids for a certain schedule and while it's better that things got pushed up, it was still a variation from what they thought was happening. That said, Spectrum has already come and gone this morning. They were here before 8AM and the guy was really cool. Vivint is going to be here anytime in the next few hours and that's the big thing for today. We may need to get a whole new panel but we'll see what happens. The other thing that's changed is our participation in the Wishes Can Happen Wish-A-Thon. We…

My doctor's appointment went amazingly well. Literally everything about my body has improved. My overall cholesterol is under 150, with my bad cholesterol under 100. My good cholesterol is still low but it's doubled and that's awesome. My triglycerides are good as well. ☺ My blood pressure is back down to normal, as is my resting heart rate. Finally, I've lost about thirty pounds this year and that's helped tremendously with a restoration of my body's equilibrium. I feel better than I've felt in a very long time. That doesn't mean I don't have bad days or even bad weeks because I do. While I'm not likely to hit my 40 by 40 goal, I'm going into my fortieth birthday in a better place and I have the momentum to…

No one's ever excited to go to the doctors. I maybe the rare exception to that rule because I know I'm in a really good place, at least compared to my last follow up. I've lost thirty pounds, successfully came off Paxil, got back into exercising and dropped my cholesterol by over 50 pts. I'm excited to see my doctor because she never gave up on me and I want to show her that her faith in me was not misplaced. I know it sounds cheesy but I haven't been able to make this kind of progress, well, ever. I'm so proud of myself and I'm ready to figure out my next goals going into the fall. While I'm doing pretty well overall, I still have my struggles both emotionally…

I never thought this would be the case but I'm really struggling with my upcoming 40th birthday. I know it's just a birthday but it's a major milestone and I had envisioned my life much differently than it's turned out. Don't take that wrong. I'm not unhappy with my life but the stress and anxiety filled direction it's taken is overwhelming on a good day. There's so much to worry about on a daily basis and there are some things I'm going to be worrying about for the rest of my life. I don't see a point where I'm ever going to be able to put these struggles behind me. As I'm only a few weeks away from turning 40, I just can't help but evaluate my life, my current…