I’m not a quitter but I wonder how long I can keep this up

We had a really rough night with Elliott. He's struggling a great deal emotionally and I don't know how to reach him. He's so angry, hurt and scattered but we aren't sure why because much of what he is upset about, never happened. His perception is often inaccurate and there is no convincing him that he's misunderstood or misinterpreted a situation. He feels that he's not loved or that he doesn't matter to us and I don't even know what to say. Of course he's loved and he absolutely matters. We tell him and show him that all the time but that message seems to be getting lost and that's a problem. We've spoken to his therapist at length about this. She's known us very well since before Lizze was…

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A very rough morning for my youngest with #Autism

I took Emmett to the doctor this morning because we're trying to figure out why he's getting sick when he eats. It's been a chaotic morning because I have to be in 3 different places this morning and I'm scrambling to meet all my obligations. Emmett is doing okay-ish right now but we're waiting to get some blood work done. He's very, very, very nervous and if you're an Autism parent, you know how well that's probably going. He's struggling right now and his anxiety is through the roof. This all has me on edge. Hopefully, this will go well enough that we can walk out of the office with any major hiccups. At this point in time, they are checking for changed to food allergies as well as celiac.…

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I’m completely overwhelmed by my life and here’s why

I can't even begin to explain how overwhelmed I am right now. Lizze is a hot mess and that's not making anything easier. I don't mean any disrespect by that either because she has no control over any of this. She's been having frequent panic attacks over the last few days. Her migraine is simply unbearable and she's struggling with depression. I huge part of her depression is related to chronic pain. The pain leads to depression and the depression makes the pain worse. It just feeds on itself endlessly. She's nauseated all the time and get sick everytime she eats. If we're to get her any longterm relief from her depression, we have to control her pain and we've not found a way to do that. We're currently waiting…

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I’ve found an oral surgeon

I had my consult with my new oral surgeon today. I'm terrified by the idea of having my wisdom teeth removed and even going to the consult was rough. After sitting down with my new doctor, I feel so much better. ☺ He explained the procedure and what to expect. There's nothing even remotely complicated about my procedure. I was worried about the impaction but he said it's not a problem. My top two teeth will take less than 5 minutes each and the impacted one will take about 10 minutes. I'll benefit from general anesthesia, so I'll be completely asleep and will wake up after it's all over with. I'll be asleep for a total of about 40 minutes all together and that's it. I should be in and…

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Turns out that -3°F is too cold for school

Shortly before bed last night, we got a message that school was already canceled due to cold tempratures. That means a four day weekend has now become a five day weekend. The kids are excited and that's a good. It's also nice not to have to haul everyone around in those tempratures. Thankfully, all we have today is my appointment this afternoon and therapy for the kids tonight. It's already starting to warm up and we're currently sitting at a scorching 5°F. Hope everyone is staying warm.

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I’m absolutely terrified about today

It's a really big day for me and I'm incredibly nervous. Around lunchtime, I'll be meeting with an oral surgeon about my wisdom teeth. I know this isn't a big deal and teens have this done all the time but I'm terrified. My last experience with the oral surgeon was traumatic and has impacted my life in ways that it shouldn't have. I was maybe 7 or 8 years old and playing with our new puppy on the living room floor. I was playing tug of war with our dog and I thought it would be a good idea to hold my end in my mouth. Our puppy tried to get a better grip and ended up biting my lower jaw. It was an accident but she ripped out the…

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I was really frustrated with my kids today

I've not talked about this in awhile but my kids seem to not have an inside voice. This isn't something new but it's super annoying and unbelievably disruptive. My kids have always been this way but as they get older, it's gotten worse. They can be standing a foot in front of me but talking to me as though I'm across the room and can't hear them. It's pretty fricking loud. We've always been told it's a sensory thing and that makes sense. We've ruled out hearing issues or or plugged up ears. They simply have three volume settings, off, loud and louder. It's really frustrating, especially when I'm already overwhelmed and desperately needing things to be quiet. It is what it is and it's not their fault but that…

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A quick update 01/21/2019

It's been a very long, four day weekend. For the most part, we've been trapped in the house due to the weather. The kids were able to get outside a few times and play in the snow for a little while. Outside of those brief excursions, we've been cooped up and people are getting antsy. Unfortunately, there's not much to do at the moment and trying to get anyone to agree to do anything together has proven difficult. Today would be a perfect movie marathon day but no one wants to watch a movie. We could play board games but no one wants to do that either. Everyone is on edge because as with any long weekend, routines get disrupted. It's not that they don't enjoy being home or that…

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