It's been a really, really, really long night. Both the boys are home from school today for weird reasons. Well, Elliott's got a sinus thing and the drainage is making him sick to his stomach. He was up all night. To make things more fun, about 3AM, Emmett's nose exploded all over my bed. He gets nose bleeds sometimes and there's no reason for them. They're sorta spontaneous and unpredictable. We think it's related to his allergy meds drying him out too much. It's a pretty fine line between managing his allergies and this. Emmett finally fell asleep under a mound of blankets. Have you ever seen those movies where the guy goes to sleep and wakes up to the other side of the bed covered in blood? Yeah, it…

One of the most common questions I get from people is how in the world do I manage. Often times I'm it more like this how in the fuck do you survive all this? Where do you find the strength? I'm not offended by any of these questions in any way and by answering them honestly, I've hoped that my words would provide comfort to those who are struggling. With that in mind, I wanted to put out a reminder and basically answer this question one more time, publicly. First of all, I'm no different than anyone else. My situation maybe more complicated or challenging but I'm just a Dad. I'm just one person and a flawed one at that. I don't have any superpowers or magic tricks to help…

It's a brand new day and while we overslept a little bit, the kids got to school on time. I was able to go walking this morning with Gavin and my Mom. I even took Gavin for his blood work afterwards. ☺ The plan for the day is to pick up the boys from school at noon and then head to Akron Children's Behavioral Health for monthly med checks. That means I have back to back appointments there this afternoon but it sure as hell beats two trips. On the way home, I'm dropping the kids off with Lizze and her Mom for her Wednesday visit. The kids will be home after dinner but I'm glad their getting some time with their mom. It looks like we're finally getting into…

The kids have been a handful, all day long. They're feeling better and should be back to school in the AM. I'm having a hard time falling asleep tonight because the stress of everything is weighing heavy. I feel like the house is falling apart all around me. I'm having a very difficult time focusing on anything right now. That's probably at least partially related to depression. I had to cancel my therapist today because the kids were home sick. She's out of the office next week so it's going to be awhile before I can get back in. I didn't get to walk today either and that impacts my mood and overall demeanor as well. If I were trying to raise my kids alone in a vacuum, it would…

The only person who slept last night was Gavin and even he woke up a few times due to not feeling well. Elliott didn't fall asleep until 6:30 AM and Emmett was up on and off throughout the night, which kept me awake for most of the night as well. Neither of the boys are feeling good and for the first time this school year, it doesn't appear to be emotional in nature. +1 for progress. I'm absolutely exhausted and I can barely keep my eyes open. Unfortunately, all of this has thrown a wrench into the days plans. Walking won't happen, Gavin's appointment won't happen, his blood work won't happen and neither will therapy for me. I'm having such a hard time even writing this because my eyes keep…

I've got an insanely busy week ahead of me, full of responsibility. There's at least one interview this week for a future pod, but there will probably end up being more. That's not a bad thing, it's just a great deal of work. I haven't finalized my schedule yet. Gavin sees his psychiatrist tomorrow for a meds check. Shouldn't be anything major but it will take up most of the morning and that will mostly consist of waiting to be seen. It will also require me to sacrifice walking. I'm not happy about that but it is what it is. I also have to get Gavin in for his blood work as well, and then battle to get his Clozapine refill done on time. I have to hit the post…