While this morning was a rough one, the boys pulled it together and got to school on time.  Most importantly though, they went to school with a smile on their face.   I hate sending the boys anywhere against their will because I never know how it will impact them but when they have a smile on their face, I know things will at least be a little bit okay.   In a little bit, I have to actually go pick them up and bring them home because it's that time of day already.   Today's flown by way too fast. 

Everyone is ready for school and I have a few minutes to kill before I need to leave.   The boys are in rare form this morning.   Elliott is bouncing off the walls hyper and Emmett is full of meltdowns. They're  like polar opposites this morning and it's been very difficult to get any level of cooperation.  The only reason we have time to kill is because Lizze was up really early and got a jumpstart on the day. Thank God for that because the way these guys are going, we'd never have made it on time.  

So often parents of kids with Autism or Special Needs suffer in silence. We don't always ask for help or tell people the truth about how we're really feeling, if we're ever asked. As I'm trying to help people understand what parents like myself go through on a daily basis, I'm going to share what's keeping me awake tonight. These are my innermost thoughts that only myself and my wife are ever really aware of.  I rarely talk about this stuff anymore because they aren't things that I'm proud of and frankly, I don't always have the courage to share this stuff publicly. As I'm laying in bed tonight, I'm overwhelmed by fear, self-doubt and feelings of utter failure. I feel like I'm failing my kids for a million reasons…

I had the hardest time sleeping last night. The reason for this is something that I've never experienced before.   I had a nightmare that wouldn't quit and I mean that literally or as close to literally as possible. Everyone has nightmares and there's nothing unusual about that.  Last night, my nightmare was family related and seemed to go on forever.  I can normally wake myself up because I'm aware that I'm dreaming.  I know that sounds weird but so am I... ☺  I woke up a few times last night, for various reasons but each time I went back to sleep, the nightmare picked right up where it left off, as though I had hit the pause button before waking up..  To my knowledge, I woke up four times…